small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: so down with this

Tuesday, February 21

so down with this

I’m reading this article in the paper where this cat has been accused of fatally beating his roommate with a sledgehammer and a claw hammer because there was no toilet paper in their home. I mean he beat this cat’s ass so fuckin bad he had to be identified by his fuckin fingerprints.

Here’s two men, both in their fifties who got it on so hard over toilet paper not being in the house that one of em is dead and the other’s going up for murder. And I am so down with that. C’mon, is there anything worse then settling down for a good shit and finding out all the fuckin toilet paper’s gone? Yeah, maybe getting your cock pinched by a giant crab or your twat bicycle kicked.

I remember when I used to live with the strippers back in the day. I could never catch em doing it but I swear they used so much toilet paper they had to be selling my shit on the fuckin international black market . Shit, right now there’s some muthafucker in the fuckin Ukraine with one of those moose & squirrel voices still living the life of Riley off the money he made from selling my toilet paper.

I’d buy one of the giant ten roll packages of toilet paper and by the next weekend all my shit would be gone. I run thru the house screaming wanting to know where all the paper went. All I’d get would be these blank looks, you know like the ones you get in the strip club when you tell a stripper you’re cool and want to know her real name.

If I didn’t know any better I’d think that after taking a shower they’d use my shit to dry off with. By god if it wasn’t for the fact that they ran around the house buck assed nekked and kept me entertained I’d be in jail right now from killing some muthafuckers. Ooooooh, just thinking about it still pisses me off. I wanted to beat em like they owed me money, as a matter of fact I would'a gave em twenty dollers and made em run just to make the ass whippin that much better.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Grey Biker said...

That's why I have a hammer hanging on the bathroom wall. Just in case.

10:35 AM  
Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

Women like to be clean, so when they take the thong off there is no residue. HA!

10:49 AM  
Blogger Viqi French said...

Oh gawd. My mother accuses me of abusing her toilet paper supply. So I take this as fair warning. I'd better chill before she hammers me like a hooker.

1:25 PM  
Blogger LL said...

I shall confess to the overusage of tp. I cannot bear to feel a dribble or drip on my paw and am thus compelled to beehive a commodious proportion of soft, rippled, cottony goodness.

1:55 PM  

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