from the archives...........pussy in a coal mine

This past weekend was odd if I may say so, Friday after work I was sitting at the Cane waiting on Angela to show up so as to go over her wedding plans. I wanted to get an early jump on things because being the officiating minister and shit I wanted to see what her game plan looked like. You know they gots an owner’s manual for this kind of shit? She dragged out a book detailing everything that needs to happen, and the order they need to happen in, very impressive. She’s going all balls out, two to three hundred guests, huge reception, and practice dinners and all that. I guess your first wedding only happens once. I’m opting for a satin black robe to do the wedding in, and depending on the heat, with it being in June and all, I might even go for the furry collar.

Sunday started off kind of trippy, I woke up early and went and plopped in front of my computer. Katrina the cat walked in squeaked something at me and went and laid in front of the back door staring at me. Odd, the only time she does that is when the other cat Minnie is outside wanting to get in, but I don’t recall letting the furry little bitch out. So I open the back door and hollered for her ass, then went thru the whole apartment looking for her.

Cassie spent the night out under the boyfriend so she wasn’t home, and Minnie usually comes out to wherever I am when she’s gone. But still no Minnie, after more searching I called Cassie and told her the fuckin cat was AWOL and shit. After that I went out on the front porch and hollered for her. Bam! There she was, under the front porch. My porch has this huge crack in the concrete and somehow the cat had jumped, or fallen into it. So there she was, about four feet under the porch.

I laid down and tried to stick my arm into the crack and pull her up but to no avail. And if I can say so it was twenty cocksuckin degrees outside and there I am on my front porch in only ratty shorts and a tee shirt trying to save the fucking cat, “I am a true Man”. I ran back inside and called Cassie and just because I knew she was doing nothing, I called Michelle too, and told em the cat was in a hole and I couldn’t get her out.

Then I ran back outside trying to get all MacGyver and shit, working on ways to get the cat out’a the hole. Just as I was getting to the point of sledge hammering the porch, Cassie got home and came outside to help. She was able to lie down and grab Minnie by the head as she stood up on her hind legs. I’ve never seen an animal so happy to be somewhere else. Stupid fuckin idiot goddamn cat.


"and the monkey flipped the switch"