small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: it's a bird, it's a plane, it's.......the fuck?

Tuesday, March 28

it's a bird, it's a plane, it's.......the fuck?


I am just amazed by the story of this kid in southwest Missouri who survived a run in with a tornado. Earlier this month when all the tornados came thru the state, this cat was hanging out in the trailer talking with his mawmaw and shit. All of a sudden all this fuckin noise and wind started up around em and the walls were moving and the fuckin floor was shacking and the next thing he knew his ass is lying in a field clear across the way.

The muthafuckin tornado had torn thru the fuckin mobile home like corn thru a dog’s ass and carried this muthafucker over 1,300 feet only to drop him in a field of grass more or less unhurt wearing only his underwear no less. Using global positioning satellite technology the National Weather Service figured the actual distance to be 1,307 feet. I need to add that his grandmother came thru the bullshit ok too; they found her old ass inside the remains of the trailer.

But just think about this shit for a second or two. It’s a given fact that if you live in a muthafuckin mobile home and that cocksucker’s sitting in the middle of the fuckin Amazonian Rainforest, it’s gonna get hit by a fuckin tornado. So here’s this kid sitting around in his skivvies yakking with grandma who’s in the kitchen probably making orange jello with carrots or some such shit when BAM! He’s doing a full on Dorothy from Oz sailing across the sky and he fuckin survives!

I don’t know about you muthafucker’s but this automatically makes this kid a tough guy and I don’t give a fat rooty toot what you fucker’s say. You get your ass blown thru the air by a tornado and live thru it? You get to drink my milk and take my lunch money any time you want.

Oh, and on a side note, according to my many inside sources, he broke the previous record which was held by a little nine year old girl. Back in South Dakota in 1955 a tornado snatched up not only this little girl but her pony too and carried them both for over a thousand feet and set them down unhurt. Shit, get a pony and the muthafucker flies too?


"and the monkey flipped the switch"

5 Comments:

Blogger HateTaxes said...

This is one tough kid. Don't mess with girl from SD or her pony.

Just to set the record straight. I have broken about 4 or more bones. If a tornado hits my house, call the hearse.

12:08 PM  
Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

Damn, that is tough! He should start making cormercials for acme or some shit like that.

1:03 PM  
Blogger Sapphire said...

I did a report in college on that subject last week. He not only broke the record he also has been on many talk shows since then. I can just see it. I already have a plan "Hey billy bob let's go get on tv." How do we do that? "You see that tornado insted of placeing object's on solid ground and bolting them deep into the dirt. I think we should just take our chances and if we survive we will be on tv. Well thier's one for jack ass the movie 3. Better yet. The Most Extream Underwear Disaters for the discovery channle...Don't look at me I'm not going to be the ass who get's on tv.....Evermore

2:04 PM  
Blogger Bella said...

LOL! Well all I can say is when your living in a trialer smack in the middle of tornado country, you're askin for it.

I agree, that was pretty tough.

4:48 PM  
Blogger Viqi French said...

is it toughness, or luck? either way, i'd say serendipity at its finest.

8:04 AM  

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