small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: love stinks

Monday, March 13

love stinks

Friday after work I’m hanging out at the Hurricane chatting up the bartender. Folks are starting to come in and the bands are getting their shit backlined up on the stage. Everything’s pretty much par for the course and with the exception of the bartender kind of boring until this cat walks thru the door. He looked to be in his early twenties dressed in the height of hipster fashion. He takes a seat at the bar and orders up a drink along with a trio of Yeager shots. He then proceeds to tell the bartender how he found out that his best friend, who we can only assume is a male, is fuckin his girlfriend. Ahh, unrequited love at it’s very best.

And of course it goes without saying that everyone around the bar perked up like a pack of wolves sniffing out spilled blood. Cause fuck, who doesn’t enjoy seeing another person basking in the dark smelly glow of misery? Because even though the thought of your best friend doing the dirty Sanchez with your girlfriend is indeed a sad state of affairs, it’s funny as a muthafucker when it happens to someone you don’t know.

So anyway he does a couple of the shots and pulls out his cellphone and starts dialing muthafuckers and goes into full bitch mode about what happened betwixt his best friend and his girlfriend. And of course he’s talking in his cellphone voice which is enabling the entire bar to hear what’s going on. Which is great cause the shit gets better when he dials up the best friend who gets told to expect an ass whipping and his girlfriend who gets told the same. The whining and trash talking is so good that we’re all hoping that the best friend shows up so we can see em get it on. But no such luck cause he left to go cry in his beer somewhere else. Just another typical night in Westport.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Anonymous Kyle said...

Well folks it's official. Greg Beck has a new job. Today, has reported that soul singer Isaac Hayes has quit SouthPark.(seriously) At my behest, Greg has promised to send in a demo tape of his voice, thereby making Greg Beck the new Chef of SouthPark. (It would be hilarious if it really happened.)

10:10 PM  
Blogger emawkc said...

That poor bastard. I wonder if he knows I'm fucking his girlfriend too.

9:02 AM  

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