small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: sweatin the small stuff

Friday, March 17

sweatin the small stuff

From the “finder’s keepers, loser’s weepers” department…………

comes a story of what not to do when you’re angry and not getting any pussy. So there’s this cat living up Chicago way who got all bent out of shape over issues he’s been having with his girlfriend. Now for starters the chick lives in Poland which kind’a takes the long distance romance to another level. And on a personal side note, can I say to all my readers that unless both muthafucker’s involved are cooler then cucumbers, long distance romances are for suckers.

Anyhow, I guess the cat was so distraught and shit over the lack of pussy that he got all fucked up loaded and started breaking shit. Yeah, according to my many inside sources, the cat started running up and down the street crying like a little slapped bitch breaking car windows and shit, until he actually kicked in the door of a house and broke in. After getting all kinds of calls about this crazy muthafucker running around breaking shit, the cops show up to see what’s up.

A bunch of em walk up on the house that the cat broke in and that’s when the crazy bastard came running out all buck assed nekked throwing kitchen cutlery and shit at the cops. According to my many inside sources, it’s colder outside then the face of an old church lady staring at a whore in church. There’s a front yard full of Chicago cops facing off against this crazy nekked sweaty muthafucker who’s ranting and raving nonsensical gibberish about some bitch in Poland whilst throwing kitchen knives at the cops.

All of a sudden as if this was even possible, the stupid bastard goes into insaneo overload and the next object the cops see flying their way happens to be the cat’s own cock. Yeah, he’s so fuckin worked up that he sliced off his own shit and like a monkey flinging shit, flung his cock at the cops.
“take that, and that, and that, and take this, you crazy coppers will never take me alive, my girlfriend lives in stinkin Poland, and I got no fuckin life, here’s a knife for you, and a knife for you, and a spatula and by the way you pigs can suck my dick, cause here that muthafucker comes”
Then the cat runs back inside to grab some more knives from the kitchen. So now whilst all this was going on some of the cops snuck in thru the back door and tipped up on the cat and tasered his buck assed nekked, no cock having ass. And props to the one brave cop who actually found the cat’s cock lying out front on the sidewalk. Cause they got the muthafucker to the hospital where the doc’s were able to reattach the cock. I’ve heard that lack of pussy makes you strong, but goddamn.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger curmudgeon said...

Everything, and I do mean rverything, but the kitchen sink.


1:57 PM  
Blogger Viqi French said...

well that was one crazy-azz guy. it's bad enuf to slice off someone else's stuff. but you have really lost it when you sever your very own pride and joy!

4:01 PM  
Blogger LL said...

Damn. All I gotta say is I have GOT to get laid soon.

7:35 PM  
Blogger Sapphire said...

"Smiles Real BIG" I have nothing to worry about. Powoman. It just goes to show you that all us men out thier should be wacking off more. Yes! I said it! Wacking off. Thier nothing wrong with a little bumb and grind with the hand. If everybody would just wack off more thier would be less problems in the world that goes ofr you ladies too. So just go get in the shower and wack off like thiers no minanna and everything will be alright. Sex isn't everything. Hot baths are sometimes better than sex. Better to love than to lose an inch. On another note I would love to see the look on the officers face that it was directed at. Opp's I mean erected at. "Look out bob incomeing pecker" LoL....Evermore

8:33 PM  

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