small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: man show

Monday, April 17

man show

Got a phone call early Saturday morning from a buddy of mine where after picking me up we headed over to another pal’s house to load his big Indian motorcycle into the back of a pickup. I was just gonna say big Indian but I didn’t want any of you muthafuckers thinking that me and a bunch of my tattooed friends were tying up Native Americans and throwing em in the back of the truck and shit, though that would make for some kind of interesting Saturday.

Anyway after getting the bike all strapped down we hauled it up north to Bear’s bike shop. Bear’s this cat that used to be the head teckkie for a local Indian dealership who went and started his own shop. Boy got himself a nice little shop if I do say so, nothing fancy like some of the cats you see on the TV but nice and workable. After dropping of his big Indian we all hopped back in the pickup and went off in search of something to eat before we headed over to the other side of town.

We found a little burger joint right across the street from Diamond Joe’s Gentlemen’s Club where we got some lunch. Got some burgers and shit and ate out in the parking lot like real men. After getting lunch we stopped at a gas station to pick up some smokes and as we were pulling out the cat who was driving the truck decided to take a big spit out the window.

He’d been doing chew all morning so every few minutes after getting a jaw full he take a big spit out the window. Except that this time he forgot to take a look and his chaw hit dead center on the boot of this cat who was getting gas. Luckily the only people who saw what happened other then us was the guy’s little kid who was standing next to him at the pumps. That’s the kind of shit that when it happens there’s no use trying to explain so we just got the fuck out’a dodge giggling like a bunch of little bitches.

We ended up on the other side of town at Hub’s cycles where I wanted to look at a Voyager conversion kit. See I’m buying this used Voyager kit which is this thing that kind’a turns your bike into a three wheel trike…kind’a. And since I’m buying a used one and Hub’s a dealer I wanted to stop by and take a look at a new one and all that. But the muthafuckers didn’t have any in stock so I just ended up talking to em about labor putting the used one on since it involves removing the rear wheel and shit.

Afterwards we decided to call it a day but not before showing the cat in the back seat a tour of Independence Avenue here in town. Independence Avenue back in the day was one of the showpiece avenues in Kansas City but since has kind’a taken a downward turn. But it’s still one of the most alive areas in town and good for people watching and seeing hookers and such.

As a matter of fact around these here parts whenever you see muthafuckers getting busted on “John TV” for picking up hookers and shit, this is the spot. But here’s the general rule of thumb, if the chick looks remotely like someone you’d entertain the thought of fuckin, she’s more then likely a cop. Not like muthafuckers should be picking up hookers on Independence Avenue anyway, bad for you mojo if you know what I’m sayin.

So all in all if you throw in a bit of drinking that night I had myself a decent Saturday. My mother called me and after asking me how was my day, I told her me and some guy’s hauled heavy shit around in the back of a pickup. Got to hang out with bikers and fuck with the bikes and after eating meat on the side of the road like real men, went and looked for hookers. She thought that was nice, me getting out of the house like that.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

Wanted to post a comment letting you know that your mother sounds really cool.

But it's been my experience that I never get past uttering "Your Mama..." then I wake up in the emergency room three days later with my jaws wired shut and peeing through a catheter.

So I'll just shut the fuck up and go back to my own blog and post something intellectually profound, like "BUSH REALLY SUCKS!" or something like that.

6:43 PM  
Blogger Death said...


6:54 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

you're welcome!

7:09 PM  
Blogger rain said...

this cat entertains the fuck outta me! sounds like he's got a great mom. she's right, ya know. mom is always right.

12:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

aaaawwwwww.......i'm gettin all teary eyed. i actually know her...the mother woman.
-- so says the sister

8:06 AM  
Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

You know, if a man doesn't get out of the house to hang out with bikers, eat meat on the side of the road and look at hookers, then that man will spend life wondering what he is missing.

12:00 PM  

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