small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: sweatin the small stuff

Friday, April 7

sweatin the small stuff

Me and the many inside sources were up all night scouring the news looking for something worthwhile to talk about today. But without going all brokeback mountain and shit or rehashing things, I’m coming up zilch. But I do see where apparently somebody either broke their foot off in somebody’s fat ass or had a come to jesus talk with Rep. Cynthia McKinney about her attitude.

Cause all of a sudden she’s taking the bass out of her voice and is telling anybody that’ll listen how sorry she is for being a bitch and that she should have kept her fuckin hands to herself. You know it’s been rumored for years that there’s a powerful black conclave in DC running shit from behind the scenes and I bet they had a sit-down with her.

Yeah, old bad hair day is walking down the street when a van screeches up to her and a couple of hooded thugs jump out and toss her in the back where she’s driven blindfolded to an unknown location deep in the warehouse district. After being hustled inside she’s deposited on a rickety metal chair where her blindfold is ripped off and she finds herself facing the black overlords. The ones who dictate everything that’s black.

In the dim light the first face her tear swollen eyes focus on is that of the conclave’s leader, Mr. Big himself Colin Powell. Surrounding him she makes out Pam Grier, Bernie Casey, Bill Crosby, Antonio Fargas, Angela Davis, Clarence Williams III and lastly a very pissed off looking Fred Williamson.

Colin is the first to speak; “Rep. Cynthia McKinney, what the fuck is your goddamned malfunction”? But before she can answer Antonio Fargas gets all Huggy-Bear and shit on her and starts throwing down the pimp hand whilst screaming “bitch better have my money”. He’s pulled off by Pam Grier who after snatching McKinney up by her nappy asses weave, commences to waving a straight razor in front of her whilst purring, “let me cut her daddy, let me cut her real good”.

Bill Crosby steps up telling her; “life is like a bowl of jello” which makes no sense but for some reason scares the fuck out’a her worse then Huggy-Bear or Pam Grier. But Colin is speaking again. “Rep. Cynthia McKinney, see what happens when you make us look bad, who do you think you are a rapper and shit? Here’s how the rest of this is gonna go down, you’re going to apologize and sound like you mean it, then you’re gonna be all back of the bus and shit and not make anymore waves…......understand?” “We’ll be watching”. And after a passing backhand across the lips from Fred Williamson, she’s thrown back into the van and dropped off in the Capital District.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Anonymous RD said...

Classic, Greg. You're at the top of your game.

11:43 AM  
Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

Damn, didn't know you was cleared for all that shit!


2:27 PM  
Blogger curmudgeon said...

In the meantime, Jesse Jacksoff is creamin' his jeans.

2:30 PM  
Blogger Big Daddy 2x4 said...

I gotta say, if Fred Williams rolled up on me, I'd join the Congressional Black Caucus if he told me to.

6:11 PM  
Blogger LL said...

*snicker* That was TOO fuckin' funny. You're a sick bastard, ya know that? You scared ME with that Bill Cosby/jello thing!

6:52 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

What I want to know, is where the fuck was Samuel L. Jackson? I thought he was supposed to be taking care of shit like that! Probably off having his beret cleaned or something.

7:57 AM  
Blogger Big Daddy 2x4 said...

Sam already took the beatdown... why else would he make a movie with Eugene Levy?

1:58 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

Dayum! Good point. I got nuthin.

6:56 PM  

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