help you do what?

So there I was, at the local snatch & grab throwing gas into my old truck when this woman runs up on me screaming and shit. “Get em, get em! He just stole my purse!” I looked up in time to see this dude running up Main Street. Cat was running so fast he was leaving black behind em. Flash couldn’t catch this muthafucker, hell; he was already a dot in the distance. I looked at the chick that was still screaming at me and wondered; “just what the hell is she thinking?”

All these muthafuckers around and she’s screaming at the biggest guy in sight to run this guy to ground. I did call 911 for her though; best I could do under the circumstances I figured. It just blows me what people will do when their drunk or in a cold panic. I was in the Hurricane one night when somebody shouted for me to take a look at my truck parked outside the door.

I looked out in time to see this guy whip out his dick and proceed to pee all over the side of my truck. It seems that the cat was drunk and thought my just waxed vehicle was the place to paint his name. I walked outside thinking how should I handle this? Do I go off or should I show compassion to a fellow human being who just had too much to drink?

Yeah, fuck some compassion, I walked up behind the guy and after making sure he was still in the midst of a full stream I grabbed him by the shoulders and gave him a good shake. Then I tried to see if I could break the record for tossing a human body down a sidewalk.

Hmmm, ten feet, not bad for not having a secure grip cause after all he was still peeing. He landed in kind of a drunken pee soaked clump and actually tried to come after me, but his not so drunk friends grabbed him which was lucky cause this time I was gonna try to rip his shirt off and use it to wipe my truck off but he never came into grabbing range.


"and the monkey flipped the switch"