small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: lending a helping hand

Thursday, June 15

lending a helping hand

So I’m sitting in the Hurricane yesterday after work when this chick walks in. She takes a seat at the bar and after getting a beer announces to no one in particular “I want a boob job”. Why do you feel you need a boob job I asked? The chick replied in a sad voice that she just needs bigger boobs.

After some thought I mentioned to her that getting a boob job was a very serious thing and had she taken the test to make sure she really needed a boob job? By that time I had the bartender’s interest along with the chick’s who asked me what test and did it involve me feeling her up cause she wasn’t down with that.

After reassuring the chick that I wasn’t gonna feel her up, I proceeded to tell her about the test. The test is very simple and consists of a chick walking up to a wall. There she stands as straight as she can and walks gently into the wall. If the chick’s tits touch the wall before her nose does then it’s a sure indicator that she has a nice rack or they're sufficient enough not to warrant a boob job.

So I stood the chick in front of a flat wall and watched as she moved toward it. She suddenly got a big grin on her face exclaiming, “my tits touched first”! See, there you go I said, “you do have a nice set of tits”.

After she left the bartender looked at me and said how impressed she was that I of all people would try to talk a woman out of getting bigger boobs. But it’s like I always tell the baggy pants wearin kids. Just because I love big boobs doesn’t mean I’m a shallow muthafucker.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

Natural is always better. Always.

Having a couple of basketballs poking out of your chest ain't sexy.

9:13 AM  
Blogger Death said...

Well, don’t be misunderstanding me here. I LOVE all tits and big tits wither natural or bolt on, I’m just happy to be there. But this chick was really petite and built like a ballerina and everything was in perfect balance and whoever made her feel like she needed bigger tits needs their shallow ass kicked.

9:23 AM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

I'm with ya.

But just for me, personally, I like the real thing.

I don't like knowing that I'm squeezing a bag of silicone or saline.

Plus, when they're on their backs, titties ain't supposed to point at the ceiling. It's too freaky. They should be pointing towards the armpits like God intended.

That being said, I don't recall ever turning a woman down just because she had fake boobies.

Come to think of it, I can't recall ever turning a woman down for any reason.

I'm such a slut.

9:37 AM  
Blogger satyavati said...

Awww... I want a boob job.

9:46 AM  
Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

That was a cool thing to do!

10:01 AM  
Blogger Bella said...


11:17 AM  
Anonymous monkeyhawk said...

There is, of course, an alternative test:

Have her lace her fingers behind her neck and walk to the wall. If her elbows don't hit the wall first...

11:20 AM  
Blogger Death said...

it's not my birthday but thanks anyway.

11:22 AM  
Blogger jdoublep said...

happy not your birthday!

12:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

May I extend a "happy not your birthday" to you as well. What a great day!

- Corey

1:22 PM  
Blogger LL said...

I wonder why women feel like they need bigger boobs. I'd trade in my bigger ones for the same long, lean body some of the smaller boobied girls have. Life is always greener on the other side, huh?

1:31 PM  
Anonymous David Harmon said...

Bravo! If you haven't already, you mioght want to check out this story about fake tits that had the wrong kind of impact.... ;-)

4:09 PM  
Blogger Matty said...

I know I'm quoting someone here, but my poor old addled mind can't cite a source right now. If I get to touch them, they're real.

That said, you couldn't be more on the money. Most if not all women that want fake tits don't need them. I'm all for room additions and shit like that, but it seems to me that money would be better spent on other body parts. When I invent a nice silicone ass that jiggles just right when you spank it, I am so going to be a fucking millionaire.

9:35 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home