small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: clap on clap off

Monday, July 3

clap on clap off

Best movie insult of the week.
“You horse-humping bitch, you cock-juggling thundercunt!”
From Blade-Trinity, the movie. Hmmm, insults like that make me think that the Blade writers may be readers of this blog.

I’m so sure that everyone’s had one of those lonely nights where besides being lonely you’re so fuckin bored you do small surgery on yourself just to break up the monotony.

Whither it be with the sex toys or one of the pets or dragging out the ole shop vac, all a muthafucker wants is a little self satisfaction. And as long as you’re in the privacy of your own home or basement or closet, there’s nothing wrong with that. But goddammit, when shit goes south be a fuckin man and stand up and look a muthafucker in the eye and admit it. Don’t be a whiny little pussie crying “I don’t know how the light bulb got up my ass, waa.”

I’m referring to this cat who whilst in prison in Pakistan underwent an operation to remove a light bulb from his ass. This muthafucker who is serving a four-year sentence for making liquor, prohibited for Muslims, said he was shocked when he was first told the cause of his discomfort.

He swears he didn't know the bulb was there. Yeah right, and as soon as I get done posting this I’m gonna fuckin suit up and go jog five or ten miles. According to the cat, he woke up in his cell the other morning with an odd feeling in his lower parts so he went to the prison infirmary.

And lo and behold after getting the x-rays back, doctors found what looked to be a light bulb sitting off up in his ass regions. And he still insists that he doesn’t know how it got there. Much to the amused doubt of everyone he keeps insisting the light bulb must’a been put there by either another prisoner or the police, whilst he was drugged no less.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

OK, call me a "light sleeper", but if somebody started shoving a light bulb up my ass while I was snoozin', I'm pretty sure that even my deepest subconcious would start nudging me saying "Dude, you REALLY need to wake up. Now. I mean it. I'm serious. WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!! You're becoming GE's bitch!!!"

7:20 PM  
Blogger Sapphire said...

Can you blush. Well we all know now how much pressure a light bulb can with stand. Thier is no possiable way that a bulb could do that with out breaking. It's just like the egg breakage place an egg in the palm of your hand and try to break it. It can be broken with the right amout of pressure it will be hard to at first but over time it will break. So in retrospect our ass is nothing but a small powerful waste compresser. Also I heard they pluged his ass up to a power sourse before taking it out just to see it the dam thing still worked. They called it Genral Electrocution.

12:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work
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3:50 AM  

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