I got nothing to say today so I'm gonna let Cousin Erma take it

Hi everybody! My name’s Erma and I’m Greg’s third cousin by birth. I live in Matador, Texas, which sits between Amarillo and Lubbock, but I’m up here in the big city visiting with Greg’s mama and stuff. His mama’s my mama’s oldest sister and her and my other cousin Stephanie whose Greg’s sister let me come back with them since they were down home for a school reunion anyway.

It’s nice up here; down home it’s hot as sin cause we all out in the country and stuff. Matador only got 700 people living there and five hundred of those are Mexicans or black folk like me. They let me stay over here at Greg’s place while he be at work during the day and stuff.

I asked what he do for a living but all he says is that he works for the Man? Who that, plus what kind of stuff Greg do be doing in here anyway? All kinds of pictures of half naked women on the walls, makes me glad we’re cousins and all, he nasty, though to tell you the truth, back home that don’t stop nobody anyways.

Somebody’s kin always climbing up on somebody like there’s was no tomorrow. No damn wonder half the townsfolk look like everybody else. Plus up here in Kansas City they got the air conditioned air and stuff. Good thing Greg left his computer on, I’ve been learning the computer in my specials skills class up at the school. In another year I’ll have my GED and stuff and I can get a real job typing up at the prison.

That’s where my mama works, she be up in the kitchen plus my daddy’s inside doing five to ten for shooting at the Rangers last year. Daddy got a thing about cows and once he takes a liking to one he just has to have it. But the Rangers got too close one night so daddy let loose with his old shotgun.

Old bastard lucky he’s not dead, plus I’m glad he’s in jail. Here I am damn near thirty year old and he still insists on washing my back every time I bathed and stuff. On Oprah she be saying that kind of thing ain’t right. But you know what they say back home right? “Can’t stop an old dog from licking his balls”.

Well, unless you cut off his dog balls and stuff, but don’t wait and let the dog get too old now cause all that do is make the dog mean and stuff. Well I gotta go and visit with some more of my kin while I’m here. Don’t you’ all be letting Greg know I was on his computer and stuff. He don’t need to know no how. Bye


"and the monkey flipped the switch"