sweatin the small stuff

Before I get started I just want to add my input to an ongoing debate. How in the fuck does a muthafucker suddenly decide to downgrade Pluto as a fuckin planet? What, did eggheads the world over just decide to make Pluto all back of the bus and shit?

Poor Pluto’s just minding its own shit floating out there at the edge of the solar system not bothering anyone when the next thing it knows its been downgraded to something called a dwarf planet? If you ask me that just fucks the dog.

It’s like the other night I’m working late being a minion for the MAN when I see the most fucked up thing. I’m outside having a smoke listening to the fuckin cicadas knocking up a racket when I hear this insane buzzing. I look up at the ceiling of the building entrance only to see these two cicadas locked together wing to wing.

And what they’re doing is flying up and smashing into the florescent light fixture in the ceiling. They fly up all locked together making this really pissed buzzing sound and slam the fuck into the light. They must’a done this half a dozen times.

You remember the movie Independence Day and the part near the end where Randy Quaid flew his fighter jet up the beam of light into the fuckin space ship to blow it up? You substitute Randy Quaid for the cicadas and the light fixture for the giant spaceship and that’s what it looked like.

They finally made one last mad charge into the light and there was smoke and lighting and the next thing I knew they were both falling to the ground. Fuck me runnin I thought, minus the stomach cutting I just watched two cicadas commit fuckin hari-kari and shit. And sure enough there they were, both lying on the ground deader then a muthafucker. How fucked up was that?


"and the monkey flipped the switch"