small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: I have many skills

Tuesday, September 12

I have many skills

I officiated another wedding this weekend and married off an old friend. The wedding was held outside and I thought it went off very cool. I’ve known the groom for years and his bride is this chick originally from Chile who's just stinkin assed hot.

Yeah, she wore the full deal wedding dress and the groom had the tux happening and if I can say so, I cleaned up real good wearing the white linen suit with the matching black linen shirt, which is good since most of the women there were smoking assed hot as well.

Actually it doesn’t mean a fuckin thing since they all seemed to have husbands or boyfriends with em. Did I mention that the wedding was held just down the block from where I used to own the big assed six bedroom house on the Westside?

Which means that after living on the Westside for ten years I learned that you don’t go eyeballing the hot Hispanic women too hard because it usually means there’s a hot tempered Hispanic male somewhere nearby who ain’t buying into my brand of bullshit.

The ceremony was held at the home of some friends of the bride and groom who also catered the dinner afterwards. Dinner consisted of a traditional Spanish dish called Paella which had shrimp, mussels, scallops, rice I think and other crap all thrown together. And as hard to believe as this may sound I’ve never to my knowledge had mussels or scallops before but as muthafuckers say, “when in Rome”.

So I jumped in feet first and found myself enjoying the Paella very much. And thank god I’m a regular watcher of Food Network cause I had this one mussel that was all closed up and shit and I almost had that muthafucker open when I remembered that if they’re still closed after cooking it means they’ve gone bad. Whew, dodged the muddbutt bullet from hell.

You know what’s fun about doing the occasional wedding besides getting to use my outside voice? It’s that one moment when folks are talking to you afterwards and they’re acting so respectful cause they just watched you do the wedding.

And I find myself relaxing from the stress of getting everything right and I blurt out. “Son of a bitch, lawd I’m glad this cocksucker’s over and I can get out of these muthafuckin shoes”. And people are staring at me going, “what the hell kind of a minister are you?”

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger satyavati said...

You looked pretty stinkin assed hot yourself.

11:33 AM  
Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

Damn, now I am thinking of stinking hot women and food.

What kind of ministers? The kind of minister that does not like muthafucking shoes that fucking hurt.

11:42 AM  
Blogger curmudgeon said...

Bwah! Now that's my kind of minister!

2:42 PM  
Blogger Rusty said...

I thought the best part was during dinner you sitting between the two little kids! Wish I'd taken a pic of that!!

We did look good, I gotta say that! Granted you a little better than me, just a little. ;)

3:41 PM  
Blogger Bella said...

You are the kind of minister that I want to have at my wedding when Bello and I get hitched!

5:29 PM  
Blogger Sapphire said...

Yet before the creator of all things rested on the seventh day he made greg and it was good and adam and eve were married buy the best lookning miniter of them all. Nice suit...Sweet. Amen..Evermore

1:14 AM  

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