small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: sweatin the small stuff

Friday, September 29

sweatin the small stuff

From the “how much is that doggy in the window?” department......

comes a story, though sad it may be kind’a appeals to my base nature and brings a giggle to my lips.

It seems that up in rural Alaska this family’s dog had been let out into the yard on his leash to take a pee. According to my many inside sources the dog was a nine-month-old miniature Chihuahua, who went by the name of Casper.

Now the family has a couple of little kids who were hanging out on the couch watching ole Casper kill grass when one of the little spankers started screaming something about a black bear in the yard. Now with this being of course rural Alaska seeing the bears running thru muthafuckers yards might not be that much of an uncommon thing.

That is until ole Blackie spotted little Casper tied to the stake then it was on. To make a long story short the bear ambled up to Casper who was yapping his little ass off, took one sniff, and proceeded to eat that muthafuckin Chihuahua from asshole to eyeballs.

Kind’s makes you think of how many licks does it take to reach the gooey center huh?

Now thru the big living room picture window the kids are seeing all this go down and are understandably freaking the fuck out ten ways to Sunday.

According to my many inside sources kids were screaming so loud and shit that cars driving by on the road above the house were stopping and muthafuckers who lived clear across the way were grabbing guns and breaking into full on runs without even knowing the reason why.

And during all this the mother was trying to grab the kids and pull em away from the bovine feeding frenzy being enacted thru the window. That’s the kind of shit that’ll scar a muthafucker for life isn’t it?

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Sapphire said...

Bear 1 : Hey they let the dog out again.
Bear 2 : You want to go eat him.
Bear 1 : Na! let's wait a while.
Bear 2 : Oh shit! he spotted us.
Bear 1 : Just wait.
Bear 2 : Wait for what?
Bear 1 : You see that dead hollow tree over by the fence.
Bear 2 : Yea!
Bear 1 : That's old grizzy's place and look over thier in the house thier's two kids watching the dog bark at us.
Bear 2 : Let's toss a rock onto the log and wake his ass up and freak the kids out.
Bear 1 : Damit now he's barking louder. That's it that dog is lunch.
Bear 2 : Throw the rock.
Bear 1 : Look here he come's. Eat his ass! Eat his ass Grizzy!
Bear 2 : Good now we all can sleep peacefully this winter.
Bear 1 : Thanks Grizzy.
Grizzy : LOL. Did you see the look on the kids face's. One dog! 100 doller's. A bunch of people freaking out priceless. It's all in a days work.

No offence to any one, but I hate those little yappers I would eat it too. I feel soory for the kids thow. The only kind of small dogs I would even begin to like is those miniture pinchers that act all tough while barking up a storm......Evermore

1:30 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

Fuckin' Chihuahuas got no more business being up in Alaska then I got being down at 33rd and Prospect.

Some situations are just destined to end badly.

5:13 PM  
Blogger satyavati said...

Well, I just don't know what to say about this. There's bears in them there woods, and you got to respect old Smoky.

5:40 PM  
Blogger LL said...

I don't know why, but when you described that chihuahua on a leash, getting eaten up, I had a vision of a meatball at the end of a piece of spaghetti and I wonder if the bear slurped it up, or just kinda gnawed through the leash or what. Now I'm going to be pondering that thought for the rest of the night.


6:52 PM  
Blogger Rantin' Ron said...

Yet another reason to admire bears! I HATE those little obnoxious dogs! I paid five hundred bucks for one because my wife wanted one. We finally gave the little piece of shit away. It was either that or kill the sumbitch!

8:03 AM  
Anonymous MarieP said...

Many years ago, when I still lived in Canada(province of Quebec) my family had to kill 6 bears one summer. That year had been very dry & there wasn't enough berries in the woods. One day, my baby sister had been in her playpen outside 1/2 hour before the black bear came into our backyard looking for food. Mom shot it from the kitchen window. I feel sorry for the bears. They were hungry, but we couldn't have them eating my sister.

12:46 PM  
Blogger Oswald Bastable said...

"Hey Stimpy- this ain't funny!

Stimpy you eeediot- get me off this damn lead!

Stimpy you eeediot- get me off this damn lead NOW!!

Stimpy you moron!!!


11:08 PM  

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