small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: a very special mid-week edition of sweatin the small stuff

Wednesday, September 27

a very special mid-week edition of sweatin the small stuff


You know the commercial where the owner of what looks to be a construction company is sitting at his desk bitching and moaning about owing the IRS thousands and thousands of dollars in back taxes?

He’s crying like a whipped pussy until he spots a post-it note with a phone number on it. “My account says I should call this number” or some such shit cause it’s a number to a law firm who’ll help him with his back taxes and IRS issues. You all seen this commercial?

Yeah, and does it bother you like it does me? Every time I see this muthafucker I’m always wondering how come this broke bastard isn’t doing the bum’s rush on his “accountant” and slapping the cock taste out of his mouth for getting him in trouble with the fuckin IRS in the first place.

Then there’s the commercial where the stern looking father is sitting on the front porch with his son who looks to be on leave from the military. It’s a scenic family setting with the two men hanging out on the porch after dinner having coffee whilst thru the lit window you can see the women folk bustling around. Oh yeah, and it’s raining like a muthafucker.

The father is talking to the son how when he picked him up at the train station the son did a couple of things that he’s never done at the same time before. “You shook my hand and looked me in the eye, where that come from?” The son just stares at the father.

Now picture the father saying the same line and as soon as he utters “where that come from”, the kid punches the old man in the fuckin throat screaming. “This fuckin man’s Army you bitch! I had drill instructors who dry fucked guys in the ass tougher then you!

Where’s that fuckin bike I always wanted for Christmas and when you get done spitting up yer goddamned lungs you better be all about showing me that farm you told me you sent Sparkles to you old fuck or I’ll show you some more of that bad-ass hoo-rah shit they taught me!”

And lastly, the movie Armageddon bothers me. Now I loved the fuckin movie even though it had Matt Dillions lover in it. You know, ole what's his name. Anyway here’s a fuckin movie showing America basically saving the world from destruction by using American know how and state of the art technology.

So how come is it that in every fuckin scene showing the American public, it looked like the clock had swung backwards to the fuckin 1950’s? That was just some gay assed shit and it really bothered me.


"and the monkey flipped the switch"

8 Comments:

Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

Those tax comercials are so bogus I can't believe people fall for that crap. Yet people fall for email phising schemes so I gues there you go.

People always said I was meaner and tougher after the Army. No shit sherlock, I did not work at daddies feed store living check to check like those beer swelling rednecks did.

Greg, many Americans wish they could return to the 50s, they say it was a safer time, when minorities stayed away, and white bread America ruled.

Those types of people don't even deserve a slap upside the proverbial fucking head, they need a swift kick to the balls.

3:06 PM  
Blogger Bella said...

You know what commercials set me off? Those "election" commercials. And we all think women are two-faced gossipers......

4:19 PM  
Anonymous MarieP said...

While we are on the subject of what pisses you off. I don't mind if you smoke, really. It's your lungs & wallet. But DON"T throw your cigarette stub on the ground. I know it's a small thing but it really munches my butt. And now that I’ve started. Just how stupid does the Government think I am? To believe the shit they put out! Crap! Now I have to calm down & get back to work.

11:00 AM  
Anonymous MarieP said...

The "you" & "Government" in my post were NOT directed at you personally Greg. That is unless you smoke & throw your butts on the ground.

11:20 AM  
Blogger Death said...

I do smoke but you'll be glad to know that my butts either go back into the pack or I keep em until I find a proper trash can.

11:29 AM  
Blogger satyavati said...

Apart from commercials for alcohol, military recruitment commercials piss me off because they put out this sense of grandiosity and so on (check any USMC to see what I mean). Although I suppose if they told the truth nobody'd sign up.

Just remember, the government knows a whole lot more about propaganda than you do, and they're better at it than you are at detecting it. The most enslaved people in the world are those who are convinced of their freedom.

8:18 PM  
Blogger Steve B said...

I'm not sure we could save the world from an asteroid when our shuttle launches seem to be such a hit-or-miss proposition half the time.

"Go for launch"

"Oh wait, the computers just crashed and a chunk of ice hit a solid rocket booster"

"KERSPLAT"

8:07 AM  
Blogger Maricopa Mark said...

Armageddon's a chick flick. Having watched it again last night (there was nothing else on) I feel dirty and somewhat insecure about my masculinity.

9:03 AM  

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