small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: Beware of objects in the road

Monday, October 16

Beware of objects in the road

It seems that over in the great state of Kentucky, this cat lost control of his vehicle whilst going down the freeway and rolled it several times. One cat broke his neck and thumb as he was thrown from the vehicle and the other guy suffered broken ribs and possible liver damage. Were these some drunken good ole boys out for a good time, or did they roll the car maybe after hitting a deer or some such shit?

Well according to my many inside sources, they rolled their car trying to avoid a red bra in the road. It seems that up the road a ways there was a car full of teenagers and one of em was this chick who decided to take off her bra and hang it from the antenna of the car. According to all reports, she took the bra off because it was all frayed and shit because the dog had been chewing on it earlier that day?

So she pulled it off from underneath her sweatshirt and hung it from the car’s antenna where I guess the wind blew it off and it flew into the path of the car behind her, thus causing said car to lose control and flip. You know, I don’t even wanna know whither the chick had the stinkin bra on or off when the dog was chewing on it, or how big that muthafucker had to be to cause the fuckin car to flip over.

But I do think it’s a neat trick when women do that thing where they can take their bras off without taking off their shirts. You know how they grab the bra and pull out thru their shirt sleeves? That’s pretty cool. I actually tried that one night with my underwear, but all I ended up doing was spraining myself and causing damage to my ball-sac.

But the story does remind me of the day I was out with some friends of mine riding thru the country. We were in this old ratty pickup with all the windows just barreling down this country road. Now my friends in the front seat were married and the woman was sporting this big ole fine rack on her and by pure happenstance she was wearing this old sweatshirt.

So like I said we’re all riding along when suddenly she screamed and the next thing I knew the sweatshirt was lying in the backseat of the truck with me and there she was topless as a muthafucker slapping at her big ole titties screaming to beat the band. Her husband slid the truck to a stop and asked what the fuck was going on and why was she topless in front of me?

It seemed that a bug of some sort had flown thru her open window and deposited itself up under her sweatshirt. And all she knew was that she had to come out of that muthafucker as fast as she could. Now that was some funny shit and of course I kept a look of total innocence and concern on my face the whole time.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger stephanie said...

there are some visuals i should not have in my head... and you and your drawers and your nutsac is one of 'em!
-- so screeches the sister

11:37 AM  
Blogger HateTaxes said...

I can unsnap my wife's bra and have it off from under her shirt, with her only helping by moving her arms out of the way, in about 15 sec, usually less time if the need arises.
Did you ever compliment your friend on his wife's rack?

12:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Speaking of things in the road, are you a Chiefs fan? Because I don't think the Steelers even slowed up yesterday for the Chiefs. The West just ain't no fun with the Raiders and Chiefs playing like this. Looks like us and the Chargers again.

12:33 PM  
Blogger Greg Beck said...

Compliment him hell, I complimented her. Shit after that it was like the ice had been broken and she used to walk around topless so much in front of me that you would’a thought I was the one fuckin her. As a matter of record her and myself are still good friends after all these years. and no I'm not a football fan by any means unless you count cheerleaders as a sport.

12:44 PM  
Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

HHmmm....You sure you did not have anything to do with the bug going into her shirt? ;-)

12:50 PM  
Blogger satyavati said...

I can do that bra/shirt thing. I can also get completely undressed and dressed behind the wheel, but
I don't recommend it while driving unless the road is really straight and there's no truckers beside you, unless you're into giving the truckers a good show, but that's another story.

3:33 PM  
Blogger PGP said...

Imagine my expression of innocence and concern....

7:40 PM  
Anonymous Ms. Lethargy said...

I can recall several moments where I felt I was going to have to come out my clothes and drive myself into a pole...just to get a bug off me.

It happens! Plus its entertaining for others.

10:59 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

I brake for boobies.

I also speed up and swerve for boobies.

I like boobies.

Seeing boobies makes me feel good about myself.

6:11 PM  
Blogger Nightmare said...


Here is something I never thought I would say...Bouby says she'll show you how that bra trick works if you want!

I'm not sue how I feel about you and my girl doing a bra show somewhere but hey if I get a drink out of it, I'm game!

9:07 PM  

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