small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: from the archives........pillow talk

Wednesday, October 25

from the archives........pillow talk


God Save the Queen cause this biotechnology firm in London is hard at work burning the midnight oil developing a more natural feeling breast implant. Ok, two things here. I overhear young cats all the time talking out of their manginas about how if they met a woman with implants they wouldn’t have anything to do with em cause it’s unnatural to em.

And everyone to their own opinion and shit, but what a bunch of tree hugging, sandal wearin little fey bitches. Oh yeah, like I’m gonna meet some hot chick with great big ole fake titties and tell her to hit the skids cause I don’t wanna hang with her because she has implants. Fuck that!

It’s like when I’m asked what my favorite sexual position is, its nekked, followed closely by damn happy to be there. I’m a simple man dammit and if I’m that close to some chick to know for a fact that she has fake tits, I’m not fuckin going anywhere.

How is it that you never hear any of the older cats sayin stupid shit like that? You know why? Cause we like titties in all their wondrous forms and we’ve all been around long enough to know that the tittie doesn’t make the fucking woman. It’s the fucking woman that makes the woman. Plus here’s a secret….THEY’RE TITTIES YOU STUPID MASTURBATING FREAKS!

Shit, give me the job in the lab checking titties for natural feel and all that good shit. “Greg, take a lunch break”.
“NO”
“Greg, your shifts over take your ass on home”.
“NO”
Fuck, I’d love my job, that’s one daily burden I’d wear proudly as a muthafucker. I’d be so happy like fuckin Gollum in the Lord of the Rings when he sings after catching a fish.
“The rock and pool, (whack) is nice and cool, (whack) so juicy sweet. (whack) (whack) Our only wish, to catch a fish, so juicy sweet. (whack)
(fuck, did I just fuckin quote fuckin Lord of the fuckin rings and shit? I’m so fuckin gay)


"and the monkey flipped the switch"

4 Comments:

Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

HEY! The Lord Of The Rings ain't gay!

OK, well, the whole Frodo, Sam, Gollum threesome thing was a bit gay.

Then there was Merry and Pippin.

Legolas and Gimli.

OK. You're right.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

6:04 PM  
Blogger Miss Ann Thrope said...

too freakin funny! this is priceless.

6:36 PM  
Blogger Dan said...

I want that job, too. And I promise not to complain.

What bothers me is that there aren't any tits that can't distract me. One extra button undone, and I'm a babbling idiot.

10:35 PM  
Anonymous grampapinhead said...

"Shit, give me the job in the lab checking titties for natural feel and all that good shit."

How exactly does an old dog qualify for the job.
and
will there be a 'hands on' checking of your references ?

3:33 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home