small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: prelude

Tuesday, October 31


The reason the story below attracted me so much and the fact that we all do stupid shit is because of something that happened to me back in the eighties. I was out with some friend of mine and we were skinny dipping in Loose Park which is a local park around these parts.

We had just gotten kicked out by the cops when I threw out the suggestion that we should all go see my brand new apartment that I’d just gotten the keys too. So off we all go but not before stopping by the liquor store. We get to the apartment and one of the girls has to take a shit but having just gotten the keys to the place there wasn’t any toilet paper in the bathroom.

One of the guys was nice enough to run down to the store and pick up a package of paper so it was all good. We’re all on my balcony which was bigger then a muthafucker drinking from this half-gallon bottle of cheap whiskey when someone got the bright idea to toilet paper your’s truly.

So the girls wrapped what must’a been three or four rolls of toilet paper around me and soon I was covered from head to toe. The only spot that wasn’t covered was my mouth cause that was where they kept shoving the whiskey down.

Suddenly someone hollered, “let’s set Greg on fire”. I’m drunk, my friends were drunk and it seemed at the time like a fine idea. So someone produced a lighter and put it to the toilet paper which happened to be soaked in cheap high proof whiskey.

Next thing I knew muthafuckers were slapping the shit out of me due to me having turned into the burningest up muthafucker you’ve ever seen. Luckily for me the whiskey soaked toilet paper went up like flash paper and burnt so quick that I wasn’t burnt except for my beard. Like I said below, stupid is as stupid does.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Bella said...

Happy Halloween!!!

2:47 PM  
Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

After I burned down a wooded area next to my house when I was a kid I decided not to play with fires anymore.


3:38 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Brain Bomb said...

Shit, Greg. You've lived like nine different lives already. The craziest things sound completely normal when you're toasted.

6:51 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

Jesus H. Christ in a chicken basket!!!!

You are one lucky motherfucker.

7:25 PM  
Blogger PGP said...

Thats a hoot..glad you survived intact.
BTW - Drunken stupid things my friends and I did:
Playing frizbee in the complete pitch darkness...lost teeth ( not mine ).
Making Fireworks out of Acetylene and Oxygen gas............several destroyed junk vehicles ...lost eyebrows (not mine)
PLaying chicken on motorcyles......broken bones... one destroyed helmet ....including mine.
You get the picture....

7:35 PM  
Blogger Maritza said...

Where are the photos?!

5:27 PM  

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