small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: stupid fu

Tuesday, October 24

stupid fu


Before I get started can I say something? It was bad enough when fuckin Subway came out with that odd muthafucker Jarrett all the time proclaiming how eating Subway sandwiches helped him lose hundreds of pounds. But now they got me hating that retard who has the stupidest line in all of commercialdom.
“Prime Rib, that’s the king of all meats”
I mean I’m so happy when muthafuckers give jobs and shit to the mentally infirm but every time I see this hardhat wearing cretin yakking on about meat I even doubt his monkey ass can afford it just makes me angry.

And speaking of the world of the stupid I’d think if you go by the name of Yechezkel and you find yourself running late for a flight. The last thing you’re gonna want to do is try to make the plane wait for your slow ass by phoning in a fuckin bomb threat.

Yeah this collage kid down in Florida called in a bomb threat because he was late for the flight and got pissed because he wasn’t allowed to board the plane. So now instead of living large on the beach in Fort Lauderdale, he has the fuckin FBI all knee deep up in his ass.

He’s looking at maybe five years in prison for being so goddamned stupid. Maybe he’ll learn the errors of his ways after a few years of trying to get the cock taste out of his mouth.

Now here’s one of my favorite subjects. Up in Washington State some chick caught her man in the act of being unfaithful. According to my many inside sources, the chick heard a noise coming from back behind the house the other night.

And when she stepped out to see what was what and shit, what she found was her old man on the back porch fuckin some bitch to beat the band. Now as we can all agree its bad enough when the spouse fucks around but this turned out to be on special kind of a cheating asshole.

She found her husband on the back porch fuckin their four-year-old female pit bull. And from what we can understand he was all ball deep up in that furry ass so much that the chick not only had time to call the police, but to run back inside, get her camera and start taking pictures.

Now all kidding aside, how bad does shit have to get when the cat goes, “fuck it, at least my dog still loves me?”


"and the monkey flipped the switch"

4 Comments:

Anonymous Joshua Xalpharis said...

Damn..

Bet she never took him for a pooch-pumper. Doesn't say much for her skills in the sack.

10:56 AM  
Blogger Spyder said...

No shit? A pitbull? Dang! Either he's really brave or really stupid.
And on another note even if it's a pitbull it's still abuse. Hope he has to do jail time & finds out how it feels to be on the receiving end!

4:01 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

If you're gonna fuck a pit bull, you'd better be a really good dog-fucker.

You don't want that bitch turning around and start snarlin' "WHAT?!? Is THAT all you got?!? Muthafucker! I'm gonna fuck you up!"

6:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just woke up my parrot after reading that one with a very loud OMFG.

Damn.
MM

8:52 AM  

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