small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: sweatin the small stuff

Friday, October 13

sweatin the small stuff

From the “Tony sez” department……..

What’s the term people are always using when something drastic or life affirming happens to a muthafucker? Watershed moment….wake up call…….what the fuck do they call it? Goddammit, where’s my fuckin brain at today……whatever, it’s that thing where something so fucked up happens to you that all you can think of is that whatever you’re doing wrong you need to stop?

Well check this out. According to my many inside sources who telexed this to me last night. Some chick in the Croatian city of Zader had just gotten out of the shower and was proceeding to brush her teeth and shit when she was knocked the fuck out by a bolt of lightning.

Ok, I know what some of you must be thinking. But Greg, we’re hearing all the time about muthafuckers getting knocked the fuck out after being stuck by lightning, so what’s the big deal?

Well if you shut the fuck up I’ll tell you. According to my many inside sources, the Croatian chick was brushing her teeth whilst outside there was this storm going on. So after brushing her teeth she bent over the sink to put her mouth under the spigot to rinse. At the same time that was going on, lightning hit her building, traveled down the water pipe and struck her in the mouth.

And if a muthafucker remembers their schooling and shit, you know that when lightning hits something it either grounds itself out or passes through.
Did I say that right?

Anyway, she’s bent over the sink rinsing her mouth out while at the same time her equally bent over ass is touching the wet shower certain directly behind her.

And instead of grounding out thru her feet like a muthafucker would think and perhaps killing her, because she was wearing rubber bath shoes the lightning grounded out on the wet shower curtain behind her.

So let’s follow the bouncing ball shall we.

1. Lightning hits the building.
2. Lightning travels down the water pipes.
3. Croatian chick is rinsing her mouth out under the spigot.
4. Lightning exits the spigot and hits the Croatian chick in the mouth.
5. Lightning enters the Croatian chick’s body.
6. Lightning can’t exit thru her feet due to Croatian chick wearing rubber shoes.
7. The lightning exits the only place it can, into the wet shower curtain.

And how does the lightning exit into the wet shower curtain enquiring boys and girls want to know? Well get ready to be fuckin amazed cause according to my many inside sources, the lightning came out the lady’s backside.

Yup, thru the ole back door, past the chocolate starfish. Thru the pucker hole if you please. You might even say that it came out her anus, betwixt yon round ass cheeks, or depending on your orientation the area just north or south of the taint, or even her asshole if you must insist. Either way I bet somebody won’t be fuckin for a while.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Simon said...

This made the mainstream press in the UK. She's apparently in intensive care suffering from severe burns.... no shit, lightening shooting of you arse would do that. It made me laugh though.

4:03 PM  
Blogger PGP said...

I think the word you were looking for was : Epiphany
Although that usually implies a sort of eureka! moment as a reward for effort or deep thought.

I used to work for the Western Union/Canadian Pacific/ Canadian National consortium of Telex carriers.
I'm pretty sure TELEX is dead...even in Croatia!

4:11 PM  
Blogger Maricopa Mark said...

Sweet bleeding shit! Good thing it missed The Prime Directive.

5:49 PM  
Blogger Assrot said...

Now that is what I call "One hot piece of ass". What do you think Greg?

6:03 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

Telex might be dead, but I'll betcha they still have "hoot 'n holler" lines over there.

For those of you unfamiliar with antiquated telco lingo, allow me to elucidate.

A "hoot 'n holler" line was essentially a permanently "nailed up" voice circuit between two fixed points. Remember the Bat-Phone? No dialing required. The Commissioner just picked up his the phone in his office, things got all serious in Wayne Manor, then Adam West was saying "Yes, Commisioner Gordon?" That was a "hoot 'n holler" line.

Some of you are probably thinking "OH, you mean like the 'hotline' between the White House and The Kremlin?"

Nope. THAT was a Telex. Wasn't it pgp? That is at least one Telex connection that not only still exists, but is tested every hour, on the hour.

Check it out.

6:06 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

BTW, are there any pictures of this chick?

Is she hot?

Is she "SMOKIN'!"?

Does she "sizzle"?


6:09 PM  
Blogger Tony said...

Hot Ass! That's what I would go with. Awesome post Greg.

I'm not ashamed to say that STSS is one of the best things I look forward to on the weekend.

6:43 PM  
Blogger PGP said...

Xavier O...Yep that's it allright.
Actually a Teletype which is like a dedicated Point to Point data connection...verrrry low speed...verrry reliable.
The Telex service was a dial-up connection! I fixed many of those POS dials in my youth!
It all died when FAX came allong and the nail in the coffin was the PC.

8:05 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

In 1963 they felt that a Teletype, written communication would leave less room for error and misinterpretation than an ad hoc voice communication.

They were right. Good call.

Hollywood, however, felt that Henry Fonda and some anonymous/ominous Communist leader communicating verbally over a bright red telephone handset while an eager and sweaty Larry Hagman translated in real-time would be more dramatic than some Pentagon puke typing away at a keyboard the size of an electric piano and then waiting an hour for a response.

They were right too. Good call.

8:44 PM  
Blogger PGP said...

HA..that's hilarious...I think I saw the movie...or maybe more than one with the RED phone....

9:46 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

The movie was "Fail Safe". It was in black & white. But everyone "knew" the phone was red. It just had to be. LOL!

10:19 PM  
Blogger satyavati said...

First of all this situation with the woman just proves to me that karma exists. I mean for the love of molasses what are the chances of this happening? Like one to the power of ten billion against, you know?

Meanwhile, I got completely bewildered wondering how telephones got into it, but we had a phone at work that when you picked it up it connected you right to the tele techs. Of course it was red and of course ours had a big black bat on it, and we always called it the batphone. But what has this got to do with Greta the Goddess of Lightning's ass?

Sometimes I'm just so confused.

7:06 PM  
Blogger Greg Beck said...

Hon, the reason that telephones got brought into this was due to me mentioning that the many inside sources using a device called a telex to contact me about the story which happens to be a device unknown to a lot of people. I just happen to have people who read my blog who understand some shit and knew what a telex is. .

7:32 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home