Things I learned today after reading the newspaper

• Even though it looks cool in the movies, never walk into a place announcing this is a stickup and firing your shotgun in the air. Especially if the place that your stupid broke ass is trying to rob is a fuckin fireworks store, which is exactly what this cat up in Wisconsin tried to do.

This simple bastard runs into this fireworks store screaming “this is a robbery put your fuckin hands up”, and fires his shotgun into the wall to prove that he means business and shit. The shotgun sets off the fireworks and burns the muthafuckin store to the ground.

In the ensuing confusion the owner of the store not only snatches the shotgun away but the simple bastard’s ski mask. It goes without saying that the cops didn’t have any trouble tracking EL Stupido to his trailer.


• Revenge is in the eye of the beholder. This asshole is serving time for the rape and killing of a ten-year old girl. He’s hanging out in the joint the other night when into his cell walks this cat with a proposition and a knife, either die right here or stand for a tattoo.

The baffled child killer ends up with the words “KATIE’S REVENGE” tattooed in big letters across his forehead. Who’s the tattoo artist? The little dead girl’s name was Katlyn, and the tattoo artist is her cousin who happens to be serving time in the same prison for robbery.

• Don’t live in Saint Louis, Missouri due to it winning top honors as the most dangerous city in the U.S. See now that’s a tough one since they do have the White Castle burgers.

• And lastly never, and I mean never, fly on any Nigerian airliner since it seems that most Nigerian pilots are pure blooded dumbasses. Do you realize that these muthafuckers have had three major mass casualty (which is code for a lot of dead muthafuckers) jet crashes in les then a year. And if I’m hearing shit right it’s all due to pilot error.

Fuck the airliner that crashed the other day was told by the tower not to take off due to fucked up weather, but I guess over in Nigeria the pilots can overrule the tower and tell em fuck off and do what they please. Yeah, I can do without that kind of bullshit, thank you very much.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"