911, what is your emergency? "well I'll tell ya"

This morning I’m sitting in my car which is parked in the back of my apartment building. I’m buckling the seatbelt and adjusting the radio and shit when I noticed something moving in the dim light across the way.

I hadn’t yet turned on the headlights so things were kind’a dark but I was able to make out this person doing a lame assed job of trying to be stealthy while sneaking down the rear stairwell of the building next door. Didn’t seem like much except that a couple of odd things stood out.

The cat seemed to be wearing what looked like a full face motorcycle helmet and a dark tee-shirt, and that’s it because from the waist down the muthafucker was nekkeder then a muthafucker. Now living in mid-town a cat’s sure to see odd shit from time to time but this was a new one.

I knew that the steps nekked helmet boy was sneaking down led down to a laundry but I also knew there were apartments down there also. So I got to thinking, maybe he was up early doing his laundry and was running down to grab em up and all he had to wear was this old motorcycle helmet he had laying around.

Or maybe he’d just finished finger-banging his girlfriend or it being mid-town, his boyfriend and was sneaking back to his apartment. But also with it being mid-town, he could have been up to no fuckin good so I decided to play it safe and called the cops on his nekked sneaking around in the dark ass.

I figured if nekked boy was just up early doing laundry or exercising his right to walk around buck assed nekked wearing a motorcycle helmet no harm done. But if not, well let’s just say somebody’s gonna have a very interesting Thanksgiving.


"and the monkey flipped the switch"