small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: bitches

Tuesday, November 28

bitches


I was reading about this women living in Colorado who’s run up against her stupid home owner’s association. What the chick did was put up a Christmas wreath over her door that’s shaped like a peace sign. So the stupid home owner’s association tells her that some of the residents find the Christmas wreath offensive.

Because the muthafucker’s in the shape of a peace sign it must mean she’s protesting the war or better yet its not a peace sign at all but a satanic symbol. Either way you look at it the stupid home owner’s association wants her to take the wreath down or they’re gonna hit her with a twenty-five dollar a day fine.

So what did the chick do, she did a couple of mental calculations and figured that if she kept the muthafucker up thru the holidays it’ll cost her around a grand. She figures she can swing that and proceeded to tell the stupid home owners association to fuck off and blow her.

Oh, oh, and get this shit, after thinking things over and realizing they were being assholes of the highest degree, all the committee members of the stupid home owner’s association voted to ease up off the chick’s ass and let her keep the wreath up.

But the president of the stupid home owner’s association, who must be a cocksucker of biblical proportions, decided to fire all the committee members of the stupid home owner’s association because they grew a set and voted against him.

You know when I owned a home back in the day my neighborhood had a very active home owner’s association. I knew they were active cause the muthafuckers sent me letters almost weekly bitching about shit. If they weren’t bitching about my yard they were bitching about my fuckin porch furniture.

I’d plant flowers they’d tell me they were the wrong type, I’d take my stinkin assed trash to the curb, they’d tell me it was too early. So I can’t begin to express how much I despise these muthafuckers. I know they can do a lot of good but most of em seem to be run by these little fey pussies with a Hitler complex.

I can’t wait till I become a homeowner again. If I can find statuary of the Three Stooges in the reach-around position whilst singing “take me out to the ballgame”, I’m putting that muthafucker in my front yard.

I be goddamned if after making the largest commitment in my life which is becoming an homeowner and paying taxes, that I’m gonna let some bitch down the way tell me how “I’m” gonna keep my shit. It’s like Ice-T once said; if you were to cut me open and put my cells under a microscope, every cell would be saying fuck you.


"and the monkey flipped the switch"

4 Comments:

Blogger Maricopa Mark said...

I'm happy to say that my HOA has yet to complain about the NRA placard I display in the front window of my home. Seriously.

12:14 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

Greg, I am with you 1000fucking%. I would never, EVER live in an area where there was a housing association. Fucking Nazis. And what makes it worse, you're paying them, every month, out of your own pocket, to get up in your ass. The least they could do is check for polyps while they're there.

My position is simply this. I OWN this motherfucker. I'm paying for it. It's mine. I'm the King of fucking XOpia. I'll do what I goddamn please and if I'm paying you every month, you'll do as I goddamn please too. Don't MAKE ME paint this house Rescue Orange to prove my point.

Probably a good thing I'm renting these days. I have a bit of an attitude problem.

6:15 PM  
Blogger factor 10 said...

My parents were sent a notice by their HOA that they were to clean up their garage ASAP, or the HOA was going to send someone to do it, and bill them. WTF? My quiet, don't-make-waves mother went out and bought an entire flock of pink plastic flamingoes, planted them all over her yard, and dared them to fine her. I love that woman.

10:01 PM  
Anonymous LL said...

I never really understood why someone would buy a house that was in a HOA. But hey, if that's what they like, having someone else make decisions for how the house should look and all, more power to 'em. But I just wrote about how one couple is now prohibited from smoking IN THEIR OWN HOME because the HOA made a ruling against that. Not on the back porch where it can waft over to the neighbors', not in the commons areas, but within their home. Total bullshit. And they can't even sell cuz the market is falling apart.

I'm happy in my little home on the corner where I can do as I please. Yeah, I got Mr. Junkman across the street, but that can be handled through the police dept if it gets out of hand. Otherwise, MY home, MY rules.

5:58 AM  

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