sweatin the small stuff
From the “who say’s British humor is hard to understand” department………..
Earlier this week our friends across the pond celebrated Bonfire Night, which is traditionally marked with fireworks to celebrate the plot to blow up the British Parliament in the 17th century. During the celebration just outside of London some cat got himself seriously hurt during the festivities.
According to my many inside sources, there was a crowd of people hanging out drinking and shit when this one cat came up with a great idea. Or at least to him what must’a seemed like a great idea. So what happens is that this British version of a redneck pulled his pants down, bent over and shoved a firecracker up betwixt his ass cheeks.
He’s dancing around like some stupid goof with his pants down when he lit the fuckin firecracker. Next thing you know this muthafucker’s down on the ground bleeding from the ass screaming like he’s just been prison raped. To make it even worse as if that’s fuckin possible is that the whole stupid incident was caught on video by a bunch of people who recorded the entire act on their camera phones.
The man suffered burns and other unspecified internal injuries but according to my many inside sources, some cat in Australia pulled the same shit earlier this year. He also suffered internal injuries and is now permanently incontinent and unable to have sex. These two Bomar Brains should get together and try to form a thought. Oh and it was just brought to my attention that the British cat had just returned from his tour of duty in Iraq.
And from the “old habits are hard to break” department ………………………..
Comes a tale of a man up Frisco way who got himself busted for carrying a concealed weapon amongst other things. Cops were called to this nature trail where they come up on this crazy muthafucker nekked as the day he was born lying on a tree stump rubbing one out.
In the course of arresting this crazy bastard for indecent exposure one of the cops jokingly asked him if he was carrying anything they should know about. The cat bent over and suddenly cops started pulling guns and shit because out of his own ass the cat produced a six-inch metal ice pick which was wrapped in black electrical tape.
According to my many inside sources, this got ole nature boy concealed weapons charges added to his list of arrest charges because as one cop said, “you can’t get much more muthafuckin concealed then that”.
The man who the cops found out was paroled from state prison last week, was then booked into jail on suspicion of parole violations, indecent exposure and one felony count of possessing a concealed weapon. I guess the moral of this story is that old prison habits are hard to break.
"and the monkey flipped the switch"