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Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: Superman

Sunday, December 3

Superman


Best quote from a superhero movie
“I want to be a super-villain, a super-villain that rapes animals"
The superhero Amok from the movie “The Specials”
I rented the new Superman this weekend and I thought it was pretty good. I liked the cat that played Superman and all the actors played their prospective roles very well I thought. The only down part of the movie was when Lex luthor had Lois Lane locked up in the yacht along with her son.

One of his minions was hanging out with her five-year old kid who’s sitting at this giant-assed baby grand piano. So the minion was getting ready to kill Lois and shit due to her fuckin around over in the corner instead of sitting still. And suddenly you hear a loud noise and this muthafuckers got a baby grand piano all over him.

Now a muthafucker would think that Superman showed up in the nick of time saving Lois like he always does. But the only cat standing there is the fuckin kid who I want to add is asthmatic and shit.

I’m sitting there on the couch with my fuckin jaw hanging open thinking….the kid threw the fuckin piano? What the fuck is up with the kid throwing the piano? Then it hit me that the kid isn’t the kid of the cat who’s fuckin Lois but Superman’s?

What kind of jumping the shark bullshit is this? Superman isn’t supposed to have kids, for one thing hasn’t none of the muthafuckers that made the fuckin movie ever seen Superman? He’s from another world and shit and since when can an alien from another world fuck some chick from earth and knock her up?

And to farther impress my point, how the fuck is the seed of Superman’s loins gonna be goddamned asthmatic and shit? Not that I’m bagging on muthafuckers with asthma but can somebody please explain that muthafucker to me cause I wanna fuckin know.


"and the monkey flipped the switch"

5 Comments:

Anonymous Joshua Xalpharis said...

I bet when Superman blows his load, it's like a goddamn shotgun.

He wouldn't knock Lois up, he'd lock her silly ass right through the wall.

Maybe the film-makers are leaving the options open for a future Superboy franchise. Movies are all about fucking merchandising these days anyway.

10:51 PM  
Blogger Rusty said...

Here I go showing off some of my super geek powers........

Back in Superman II, ole Supes and Lois did the nasty after he had his powers taken away so he could have a normal life with Lois, hence them banging away without him smashing her pelvis with his super thrusts and shit like that. But the bad guys showed up and he got his powers back.

Then at the end of the flick, Supes gives Lois a "super kiss" that made her forget that she found out he was Clark and that they fucked, like a "super roofie". So how did she figure out that the kid was Superman's and not be all pissed that he knocked her up, took away her memory and took off?

Ladies and gents, Superman is a deadbeat dad! "I'm going to the store to get some cigarettes!" Can lift up a small continent, but runs like hell when child support is due.

1:25 AM  
Blogger New York City's Watchdog said...

The whole asthma bit isn't physical attributes. It's psycological and shit because let's face it... he's a momma's boy.

And hey... with a mom like that... I'd be a momma's boy too.

7:12 AM  
Blogger An Observer said...

More nerd stuff. In the original directors cut of Superman II (in stores now) there was no super kiss to make Lois forget. That may be what they went with for Returns, hence she knows she has a super kid.

2:59 PM  
Blogger wellhellmichelle said...

The kid is 5 years old and Superman left 5 years ago. Greg, even you can do that math. And he's only half superhuman... maybe he got the asthma from Lois.

And it's a freaking movie... you are supposed to suspend your disbelief!

11:06 AM  

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