small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: high speed crackhead

Wednesday, January 3

high speed crackhead

You know what gnaws at my ass, my fuckin cable company that’s who. See, what these muthafuckers do is that they get you strung out on the high speed cable internet. Because like any good pimp or dealer worth their salt, they know that once they get you hooked there’s nowhere to go.

Oh yeah, once you’ve tasted the insidious joys of the fuckin high speed internet there’s no fuckin way you’ll ever go back to dial-up. You’ll do whatever it takes to keep that high speed connection open wither it be sucking cock on the corner or taking food from the mouth of your kids. You’ll do it and be happy about it.

And we’ve all had that moment of clarity where you actually look at your cable bill and find yourself crying over how much you’re spending each month on that muthafucker. And you talk to your friends who’re in the same stinkin boat but like you enjoying sucking at the corporate tittie of high speed access too much to stop.

Then just to add injury to insult, every time you turn on the fuckin TV there’s ads and shit proclaiming that new customers for a whole year can get the high speed goodness for pennies on the dollar compared to what the rest us poor saps are paying. Oh oh then get this shit.

The other night my phone rings and on the other end is some sorry muthafucker from the cable company who tells me that if I go for their new package deal which is internet phone as well as cable and hi-speed broadband, I can save shitloads of money.

But I don’t want the internet phone and ask the smarmy bastard for a better deal on what I already have. And suddenly I find myself in an argument with this cocksucker because he’s telling me what I need and that I have to take it to get a break. Fuck him in his pole climbing ass.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger HateTaxes said...

I am waiting for some competition, as if that would help. The next great leap forward, fiber connection.

I have been thinking about using DSL on one of those off companies, need to find out what their track record is like.

11:46 AM  
Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

I feel like I am being robbed every time I look at the Cable Bill.

4:59 PM  
Blogger satyavati said...

You have no idea how bad I miss DSL. I could be a junkie for all anyone could tell. And no, we will NEVER get DSL... we are too far in the woods for cable and the phone companies don't have switchboxes within a mile of here.. so believe it or not we're looking at getting SATTELITE. You know how much that shit costs? Like practically a whole paycheck to set up. Like a mortgage payment it's so much.

See how depraved we are that we do these things..

8:37 PM  
Blogger Happy In Bag said...

The heftiness of my cable/DSL bill is a monthly reminder that I've booked a one way ticket to hell as the price for my gluttony.

I get those same unsolicited calls begging me to switch my phone service over to them. I can't resist asking if I can expect the same level of service from them on that item that they provide with my cable and DSL. They know it's a trick question and hang up on me.

10:56 AM  
Anonymous Mark said...

I get a break on high-speed cable as long as I have the HD package that requires the digital package that requires the optional channel upgrades that require the extended service option and can give a mean hand job.

I'm going to give DSL a try. It will be installed (the monkey flips a switch) tomorrow. Not that it will save me any money but I'm pissed at the cable company and feel the need to tell them to pound sand.

12:43 PM  
Blogger PGP said...

Telecommunications Law:

Law Number One - There is never enough bandwidth!
Law Number Two - Bandwidth Costs Money!

You have no choice!

9:35 PM  
Blogger Sapphire said...

Your just pissed off cause your porn's not downloading fast enough anymore.........LoL.........Evermore

11:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I heard that, man. Time Warner gets waaayy too freakin much of my money for what I get in return.

And it's good to hear I'm not alone in wanting to make the switch to DSL, which is $10/mo. cheaper and faster than RR, to boot. I think I'll be doing that here real soon.

11:42 PM  

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