high speed crackhead
You know what gnaws at my ass, my fuckin cable company that’s who. See, what these muthafuckers do is that they get you strung out on the high speed cable internet. Because like any good pimp or dealer worth their salt, they know that once they get you hooked there’s nowhere to go.
Oh yeah, once you’ve tasted the insidious joys of the fuckin high speed internet there’s no fuckin way you’ll ever go back to dial-up. You’ll do whatever it takes to keep that high speed connection open wither it be sucking cock on the corner or taking food from the mouth of your kids. You’ll do it and be happy about it.
And we’ve all had that moment of clarity where you actually look at your cable bill and find yourself crying over how much you’re spending each month on that muthafucker. And you talk to your friends who’re in the same stinkin boat but like you enjoying sucking at the corporate tittie of high speed access too much to stop.
Then just to add injury to insult, every time you turn on the fuckin TV there’s ads and shit proclaiming that new customers for a whole year can get the high speed goodness for pennies on the dollar compared to what the rest us poor saps are paying. Oh oh then get this shit.
The other night my phone rings and on the other end is some sorry muthafucker from the cable company who tells me that if I go for their new package deal which is internet phone as well as cable and hi-speed broadband, I can save shitloads of money.
But I don’t want the internet phone and ask the smarmy bastard for a better deal on what I already have. And suddenly I find myself in an argument with this cocksucker because he’s telling me what I need and that I have to take it to get a break. Fuck him in his pole climbing ass.
"and the monkey flipped the switch"