small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: the new negro

Tuesday, January 23

the new negro

Even though they take up valuable TV watching time, I dig a well thought out commercial. Like the Geico commercials that states “so easy a caveman can do it”, and who knew that not only are cavemen still around but working and living amongst us.

Poor cavemen, not only has Geico made cavemen the “new Negro”, but they’ve turned em into serious whiny momma’s boy metrosexuals. But I don’t find the way Geico depicts cavemen very realistic.

I mean c’mon, in real life if a caveman told some lippy newscaster that he didn’t like the tone of his voice, those words would be followed by some serious fuckin bloodshed. Not only would the caveman kill a muthafucker, but after disemboweling the stupid newscaster use his guts to make a sweater.

And I’m still waiting on the caveman to snap on his smartass therapist and after ripping her clothes off, fuck her into a coma. You have to be careful how you talk to these muthafuckers because after all they are cavemen.

And speaking of cavemen type muthafuckers, here’s some shit I took off one of my favorite porn sites, “the Hun’s yellow pages”. Who says you can’t learn shit from watching porn?

1. Most American car horns honk in the key of F.

2. The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan."

3. Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

4. Every time you lick a stamp, you consume 1/10 of a calorie.

5. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

6. Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building it has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realize what is occurring, relax and correct itself.

7. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks otherwise it will digest itself.

8. The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; '7' was selected after the original 7-ounce containers and 'UP' for the direction of the bubbles.

9. 101 Dalmatians, Peter Pan, Lady and the Tramp, and Mulan are the only Disney cartoons where both parents are present and don't die throughout the movie. .

10. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

11. 'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

12. To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, push your thumbs into its eyeballs - it will let you go instantly.

13. Reindeer like to eat bananas.

14. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver and purple.

15. The word "samba" means "to rub navels together."

16. Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.

17. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

18. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II Killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

19. More people are killed annually by donkeys than airplane crashes.

20. A 'jiffy' is a unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Nightmare said...

Those caveman commercials are funny, but I can't believe that they Gay and Lesbian society hasn't went ballistic due to the undeniable connection between the caveman and any gay and lesbian stereotypes.

8:56 AM  
Blogger satyavati said...

I hadn't noticed my gaydar going off during those commercials but what I really wanted to say was: if you do it right, you can have an orgasm for 30 minutes too. me...

10:57 AM  
Blogger Well Hell Michelle said...

Per #17: I always knew dentists were evil fuckers.

11:23 AM  
Blogger PGP said...

Dentists ....... sadistic Mofos!
Many of them anyway.

*Satyavati* - you looking for a spanking still?? :)

12:15 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

Ya know, the thing about this post that has me the most perplexed and befuddled is this:

How the fuck does a goddamn tundra-bound reindeer develop a taste for tropical bananas? That don't make no sense!!


There really WAS a Santa Claus and the fucking reindeer developed a taste for the bananas when they would stop off in places like Panama to deliver presents.

Being a completely rational and logical person, that is the only possible explanation that makes any sense.

OBSERVATION: Reindeers like bananas.

CONCLUSION: Santa Claus exists and has the power to defy all natural laws.

You just can't argue with "sound science" like that.

6:35 PM  
Blogger satyavati said...

PGP: if you're offering....???

9:39 PM  
Anonymous RD said...

I'll bet that cat dropping study was a bit of a mess. You don't suppose they were thoughtless enough to use the same cat twice?

8:51 AM  
Blogger Spyder said...

My Great Dane likes bananas! She's almost as big as a reindeer...Hmmmm

Well, I believe in Santa.

5:11 PM  

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