small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: snakes & pricks

Tuesday, January 16

snakes & pricks

It’s movie time at my place and I ask Michelle what would she rather watch, Snakes on a plane, or Jackass two. She picked the latter so in it went. First off let me say that Jackass needs to get rid of all the swinging dicks and bring some women onboard.

But after viewing the movie I guess it wouldn’t be a Jackass movie but more like odd porn if they had chicks in it. Whatever huh? Anyway Jackass two was just some of the most fucked up shit I’ve ever seen human beings do to themselves for shit & grins.

I mean some of that crap was just painful to watch but we couldn’t turn away. Well there was that one part where that freak Steveo had a leech attached to his fuckin eyeball. Ok, then there was the part where the one cat stuck his dick inside a sock puppet and fucked with a snake until the snake bit his dick.

Then there was the gratuitous vomiting and scatting that was just wrong. And can I say that I’ve never seen a group of men who insist that they’re straight so into each other’s asses and what they could stick up em?

All in all it was like watching your fat sister throw an ass beating on the neighborhood retard. You know it’s wrong but just can’t bring yourself to stop it.

The last movie was “Snakes on a plane” featuring Samuel Jackson. I must have been asleep thru all the hype for this one. But I hear that for months the internet was just blowing up over the production of this film and the fact that Sam was gonna be the star.

And speaking of Sam, I dig his shit, really I do. As long as Sam knows his role and doesn’t try to get all muthafuckin theatrical and shit and act outside of his fuckin box he’s my muthafucker and all that. So with that being said, this was a fun movie to watch.

You had Samuel Jackson bellowing and killing muthafuckers. You had titties and snatches and dicks getting bitten by snakes and shit. You had folks just getting fucked up left and right. You saw every action movie cliché that you’d want to see.

You had hot chicks, selfish rappers, little white boys, heroic pilots, brave cops, ruthless bad guys, indifferent scientist, well-to-do assholes, little babies and their mothers, and yapping dogs getting eaten up along with grown men by giant pythons.

And just when you thought it was ok to breathe, here comes Samuel Jackson throwing out the line of the night. “IT’S TIME TO GET THESE MUTHAFUCKIN SNAKES OFF THIS MUTHAFUCKIN PLANE!” yeah, good times, good times.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

From your reviews I think I will watch snakes on a plane and leave jackass alone.

I hate watching people do stupid shit. Unless some little retard is kicking someone's fat sister's ass. Now that would be funny!

2:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i dont recall beating up any retards at all - unless you count derek campbell, which really dosent count.
-- so says the fat sister

8:45 PM  
Blogger PGP said...

You can't go wrong with Sam L. Jackson......even with the cornball stuff like S.O.A.P. Truth Greg


10:30 PM  
Anonymous Serra said...

I gotta hang with the anonymous one--I am not the one who beat up the little retard.

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

12:35 AM  
Blogger da buttah said...

seeing as my cousin is one of the producers of jackass, as well as wild boys...i have to have insane amount of love for that movie.

i found it hilarious...but i'm sick in the head like that.

any movie where Sammy L says "mother fucker" is a winner, though.

11:31 AM  
Blogger Bella said...

I personally loved jackass and thought the second one was funnier than the first.

I'll have to watch Snakes on a Plane. Thanks for the review.

12:35 PM  

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