small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: sweatin the small stuff

Friday, January 26

sweatin the small stuff

From the “is that a five-o’clock shadow on that kid?” department…………..

Comes the story of this charter school up Phoenix way that called the cops on this cat who after trying to pass himself off as a twelve-year old kid, tried to enroll in the school. Yeah, muthafuckers at the school found out that not only was this cat actually twenty-nine years old, but had an end goal of luring kids into letting him do the dirty touch.

But get this shit, as if that wasn’t bad enough this crazy muthafucker was able to con two other grown men into believing that he was twelve, and one of the guys was in his sixties and shit. Ooh, oooh, and not only did he con these two assholes into believing his shit, bit also moved in with the both of them and was fuckin em like they owed him money.

Now here’s the really fucked up shit. The two men, one named “Snow” and the other “Stiffler”….I kid you not. Had the balls to complain to the cops that they were very hurt and upset when they found out that they’d been fuckin a grown man and not the twelve-year old boy that they thought they were.

What this muthafucker would do would be to shave his whole body and shit to try to pass himself off as younger. But according to my many inside sources, the cops were falling all over themselves laughing.

Because after seeing this asshole they can’t believe how anybody brought his bullshit since according to them you’d have to be blind, retarded or stupid not to see this cat as an adult. And of course the whole shittin bunch of ass bandits are currently sitting in jail awaiting trial.

From the “what flavor is that Kool-Aid” department………..

Comes another tale of beguilement and bullshit from over in Shreveport. First off even though I’ve never seen a picture of her, I’m totally convinced that the chick in this story had to have a huge rack holding up her chin to do what she did.

See not only did she claim to be an agent of the CIA but had folks believing her when she told em that the CIA had secret satellites that from way the fuck up in space could scan their bodies for diseases and shit. And that if the satellites detected some shit, then secret would sneak into their homes at night and administer medicines while they slept.

And here’s where the big tits come into play. Because not only did she convince muthafuckers to buy into her bullshit but to the tune of almost a million dollars in cash over a six-year period. And that’s some tittie hypnotizing shit going on here.
According to my many inside sources, she’d tell neighbors, family and friends that she could arrange a satellite scan of their bodies, thus detecting hidden medical problems, and that CIA agents would then enter their homes while they slept and administer secret medicines that would prevent serious health problems and hereditary diseases but only if they paid her.

Not withstanding that to you or me these people might come off as really fuckin stupid, most of the victims are described as “solid, middle-class, educated citizens” who ranged from young adults to the elderly. Most were friends and relatives of the chick’s husband who is also claiming that he was in the dark about everything. Which includes the five cars they owned, plus the nice vacations plus never having to worry about the house note and all the other shit she kept pulling from her ass.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

People will believe anything.

I must start a cult.


12:53 PM  
Anonymous Joshua Xalpharis said...

Shooting this bitch in the face with a .12-gauge could be reasonable self-defense.. if you're protecting yourself from the inevitable downfall of the American civilization. I'd rather take her out with piano wire, though.

11:37 AM  
Blogger satyavati said...

How long do you think it will be until those two men file punitive damages suits (from their jail cell) against that guy for the emotional distress they went through upon finding out he was 29 and not 12?

And do people who are so stupid that they'll believe the crazy star trek conspiracy shit really have a case? I mean. What she did wasn't right.. but how do you defend 'stupid' in court? "Yes, your honour, my client is a complete fool who also put a down payment on three Manhattan bridges??"

Although on the other hand, this IS the Bush administration, so maybe people figured it was just some bipartisan plan to compromise on both the Patriot Act and Universal Healthcare.

4:29 AM  
Blogger satyavati said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

4:30 AM  
Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

I sent the color blind pic to my brother in law who is colorblind. He had to ask my sister to read it for him! She laughed her ass off!

2:19 PM  

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