small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: sweatin the small stuff

Friday, January 12

sweatin the small stuff



From the “say it loud, I’m black and I’m proud” department…………

Comes a story that would be really fuckin funny if it wasn’t so stupid. On second thought strike that because being so stupid is what makes it so funny. According to my many inside sources, these two old cats were playing dominos when they got to talking about James Brown, the Godfather of Soul who as you all know died recently.

So in the course of talking about James these old crusty muthafuckers got into an argument over how tall James Brown was. Cause everyone knows that Brown wore lifts and shit whenever he was on stage especially in his latter years.

Anyway, shits getting out of hand and muthafuckers are getting loud when one of the old bastards slams his dominos on the table going “fuck you” whilst shooting the other cat in the stomach. So the one cat that’s in his seventies went off shooting the other cat that’s in his sixties.

Now let part of this be a lesson to you not to fuck with old folks because the cat that got shot in the stomach stood the fuck up, walked thru the house outside to his car and after getting his gun from under the seat starting shooting back. After emptying the gun and realizing he missed, he got in his car and drove himself to the closest police station to report that he’d been shot.

But by that time the cat that had shot him showed up at the same police station to turn himself in for shooting his friend. And to top everything off, according to police both these old cocksuckers were dead sober.

And speaking of James Brown, guess who just got thru downloading the entire 1968 Live at the Apollo, Vol 2 concert into his mp3 player? me that's who.


And from the “how not to win friends and influence people” department ………..

Comes a story where to get the full effect it’s important to read between the lines. So as a service to my readers I will interpret this news story as it plays out. Please pay close attention so that you too can attain a better understanding of shit.

A US Airways passenger faced charges of interfering with a flight crew Thursday after he apparently unknowingly slapped an undercover federal air marshal, said an official familiar with the case. The man, who'd been drinking liquor, threw a mid-air temper tantrum Wednesday night after attendants refused to serve him any more alcohol during his flight from Washington's Reagan National Airport to Fort Myers, Florida, the official said.

So this asshole got drunk whilst on a flight across country and decided to show his ass when the flight attendants told him to fuck off and that they weren’t serving him any more.

The passenger then slapped a fellow passenger, who happened to be an undercover air marshal assigned to the flight, said the official.

That’s when the cat in the next seat asked the drunk asshole to calm down and stop with all the yelling and shit. Also may I add who in the fuck slaps anymore? I’m just saying unless you’re gay or a chick or maybe you’re named after a city or state as in Detroit Willy, you gots no business slapping anyone.

"He had a bad night last night," said the official, who asked to remain anonymous and isn't authorized to reveal specifics of the case. The passenger is expected to be arraigned Thursday.

Yeah after slapping a United States Marshall, you bet your ass ole drunk boy had a bad night. As a matter of fact I’d bet sure money that after slapping a U.S. marshal the next few seconds of this cat’s life were pretty bad.

The air marshal detained the man for the remainder of the flight and arrested him after the aircraft arrived in Fort Myers. The man is expected to be charged with interfering with a flight crew.

Somebody seriously got timed out and soon will be introduced to the inner joys of a jail-house sleep over.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"

2 Comments:

Anonymous Serra said...

So, it's time to consider an alcohol ban on airplanes when?

6:36 PM  
Blogger Mac said...

Great stories!

Don't take this personally, serra, but why do some folks always want to ban things? Alcohol doesn't force itself on people; it's inanimate.

Prohibition has never worked and will never work but authoritarians are always ready to try again. Instead of blaming inanimate things for human foibles, let's put the blame where it should be!

If someone acts like an idiot on an airplane, that idiot gets banned from flying for a year. If the idiot is stupid enough to do it again, ban for two years. Third strike, idiot is out of the sky permanantly.

How many people would get drunk while flying? A few idiots likely would but most folks would learn from the examples of the idiots. Problem solved.

9:36 PM  

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