cranky I'm not.........
Michelle’s been bagging on me as of late telling me that I’m cranky and shit. I told her she’s full of shit and that I’m not, but I’ll tell you what does make me cranky. It’s these non driving fuckbags in town that I have to share the roads with.
It’s bad enough that even though I’m doing the fuckin speed limit these cockjugglers insist on tailgating me and that muthafuckers are always running stop signs and red lights like some ass raped monkey.
But yesterday just about drove me to genocide. I’m driving home from work when this old cumguggler who was coming from the opposite direction decided to jump her fat cellulite dimpled runny pussy puta ass into my lane.
And why you might want to know did this fat wrinkled bag of skin come into my lane? A car in front of her was trying to parallel-park and she didn’t feel like stopping for it.
Oh, and then to really add to my fuckin stress, when ole sausage butt decided to pull into traffic every cocksucker behind her tried to do the same thing. I swear to fuckin god if I had a gun I would’a pulled some Tom Cruise Mission Impossible shit and leaned out of my car and started shooting.
I was banging the horn so hard I think I bent the fuckin steering wheel. And the fat piece of ass spooge had the intestinal fortitude to look at me like I was doing something wrong.
Now as you all know, I’m a really nice person. Sweet, gentle to cats and dogs and polite to a fault to the old people.
But if I could have I would have stepped out of my shit while it was still running and snatched that bitch out of her car so fast it would’ve made the Guinness fuckin book of world records.
"and the monkey flipped the switch"