sweatin the small stuff
From the “and it was this big” department…………
Comes a whopper of a fishing story that too crazy not to be true. People drink whilst fishing all the time. Around certain parts of the country if not the world it’s a time honored tradition.
As for myself I’m not down with the fishing part even though I love eating em. I could never get over the unblinking way they stared up at me making those gasping sounds as I hauled in the line.
But that’s not what’s important right now, what is important is that there’s nothing wrong with drinking and fishing. Unless you get so fuckin sailor bob drunk that you do what this muthafucker down under in Australia ended up doing.
This cat’s hanging around this jetty checking squid lures which kind’a says a lot about this cat considering what happened next. I guess he spotted something swimming around the lures and hopped into the water to get a closer look.
That’s when he discovered that he was standing behind four-feet plus of something called a bronze whaler shark. Now most of us if we found ourselves in the water with anything remotely related to the shark family we’d be doing our best Jesus imitation scrambling to get out of the water.
But this crazy bastard reached down and spent the next few minutes wrestling the shark onto the dock. And may I add how fucking drunk do you have to be to sit there and think, “yeah, I can do this. I can grab this stupid shark with my bare hands and pick it up”.
I’m just saying that’s the level of drunk where you see the chick in the bar with no teeth and you actually think how cool it’ll be to get a blowjob from her. That’s the level of drunk where you wake up buck assed nekked next to the chick sporting the huge adam’s apple. The guy did admit that he might had a bit too much to drink cause grabbing up sharks bare handed and shit normally isn’t his thing.
From the “do ya think anyone will notice” department……….
Comes a story about this chick up Washington state way who after getting her little dog back from the groomers decided to give ole Sparky a bath. She’s washing the dog paying close attention to one of his ears because it looked all dirty and shit.
She freaks out because suddenly bobbing and floating before her in the bath water is the dog’s stupid ear. She grabs the dog, throws the ear into a baggy and rushes the both of em to the vet. There she learns that the little dog’s ear had been cut off and super-glued back on??
According to my many inside sources the dog’s owner decided she’d save a few bucks by taking the mutt to an unlicensed groomer. And of course if the groomer wasn’t licensed it was probably because they were too stupid to pass whatever dumbass test you had to pass to become a licensed groomer.
Like maybe question #16 where they were supposed to describe the proper steps to grooming the dog and how to ovoid cutting off the fucking dogs ear.
Makes sense right? I mean if you're a fuckin pilot and can't fly the stinkin plane it's more then likely because you couldn't pass the fuckin test so there's no reason for you to have your stupid ass in the cockpit.
And come the fuck on, how hillbilly stupid must you be to cut the fuckin dogs ear off and superglue it back on and think that it’s gonna stay?
"and the monkey flipped the switch"