small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: wind beneath my wings

Thursday, March 8

wind beneath my wings

“An off-duty Northwest Airlines employee was arrested Monday after he allegedly touched a female passenger as she tried to sleep and ejaculated on her.”

Planes, ejaculation and chicks? Oh yeah, let’s talk about this one for a while. According to my many inside sources, this chick was on a red-eye out of Seattle heading over to Minneapolis-St. Paul International.

She was in her seat trying to sleep when she felt this cat sit in the seat next to her. She goes on to say that the next thing she knows is that this muthafucker is spooning up against her.

And at the same time she feels her shirt moving which is followed by what she describes as additional touching. Then the cat gets up and moves to another part of the plane. So the chick goes to readjust her shirt and shit only to discover that the muthafucker had jacked off.

Not only on her side and back but ole Johnny Wadd here hit the seat pretty good along with her clothes. This is when she got hold of the flight attendants and shit and told em what had just happened.

Now I’m just saying that if I was sitting in my plane seat and some cat tried to spoon up against me, I think I’d have stopped that muthafucker in mid-spoon. I know that if he started pulling my fuckin shirt up and shit, I just wouldn’t sit there like the proverbial bump on a log.

And I goddamned know that if someone started beating their meat against my ass I don’t think I’d be polite enough to let em finish. All I’m saying and shit is that in my mind someone took their sweet time about calling for help.

It’s not like the chick was all alone in the alley if you know what I be saying.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

Gives new meaning to snakes on a plane.

10:34 AM  
Anonymous Serra said...

I'm tending to agree with you. Who the hell lets some stranger touch them at all on a plane, let alone move clothes and, for the love of Dog, SPOON? Of course no means no and the guy should have kept his spooge to himself, but the screaming of the no should have started about the time the groping did.

Makes you wonder what didn't make it to the article, doesn't it?

11:53 AM  
Blogger satyavati said...

Oh please. If you let something go on to the point that you need towels, I'm guessing you really didn't have a problem with it.

Probably her issue was that she was in a dry-clean-only outfit and needed to be at a 9AM meeting. I think if he hadn't left a mess she would have just gone on and admitted she enjoyed the whole thing as much as he did.

And I didn't know that planes had seats where you could do the spooning thing. But I haven't been on a plane in a long, long time.

12:33 PM  
Blogger emawkc said...

I heard they're going to charge the guy with sky jacking.

7:09 PM  

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