small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: convenient my ass

Tuesday, April 24

convenient my ass


It’s bad enough going to one of the local Quik-Trip convenient stores just to buy something like cigarettes and shit.

Because when it comes time to pull out, you’re forced to run the crazy gauntlet of assholes. Here’s how it usually works.

First you have to deal with the insanely chipper muthafuckers working behind the goddamned counter.

After you finish up with these rocket scientists you try to wind your way to the door past all the mouth breathers that insist on blocking you as you attempt to leave.

Then of course there’s ole slack jaw by the payphone waiting to make eye contact so he can start working you up for your change.

And don’t even begin to get me started on these rude insensitive cocksuckers who think that handicapped parking is specially made just for them.

If you park in the handicapped spot and you’re not disabled? Then you deserve a baseball bat to the fuckin shins.

Finally you make it to the relative safety of your car but now come’s the really hard part. Which is trying to get out of the fuckin parking lot without too much drama?

Cause sure as shit, as soon as you take your car out of park some numb nut muthafucker appears out of nowhere in your rearview mirror. Either on foot acting like it’s your fault your fuckin car’s in their goddamned way, or some dick trying some new and inventive way trying to get to the gas pumps.

I’m always amazed and so impressed that with the volatile mixture of assholes, cars and gas that muthafuckers just don’t go up in fuckin flames by the shittin thousands on a daily basis.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"

8 Comments:

Blogger emawkc said...

What really pisses me off about QT is that they decided not to carry 12-ounce cans of soda and the discontinued their 12-ounce fountain drinks.

So the minimum you can buy is 22-ounces. That's twice as much as I want.

I've actually switched to Circle K because of it.

Anyway, I suggest always parking at the pumps even when you're not buying gas. Makes it much easier to get out when you ready to leave.

4:30 PM  
Blogger Logtar said...

I hate the dance to get in line and the morons behind the counter ignoring the line and helping someone that just stepped from the drink area... bunch of animals.

4:49 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

I hate QT. Cheery, chipper motherfuckers.

I don't want to be greeted when I walk in the door. That immediately puts some sort of social obligation on me to respond in kind. You don't know me! Don't speak to me!

And when I get to the counter I want to say "Yes, this is all, yes I found everything OK, maybe I'll come back again and maybe I won't, now just ring my fucking shit up without opening your mouth to say a GODDAMNED thing and let me get the fuck out of here without a QT clerk trying to be my new best friend. Capice?"

And the bumper car thing trying to get out of the parking lot is just absurd.

6:12 PM  
Blogger frog pajamas said...

hi.
thanks.
we'll see you next time.
come again.
thanks for coming in.
hello.
have a nice day.
how are you?
debit or credit?
thanks.
we'll see you.
bye.

6:24 PM  
Blogger PGP said...

I've learned that the inconvenience of the the "convenience" store is just too much for my blood pressure.
If I have to go there its because I need something and can't wait to get it and usually that's because someone screwed up. I'm probably already pissed off and I do not need any cheerful BS from the staff.

I avoid this like tuberculosis!
And Go to a real grocery store and stoke up so I always have the things I like at hand.

8:19 PM  
Blogger Spyder said...

QT is the only (cheap, not $tarbuck$) place that I can get an Almond Amaretto latte. I have not problem with their cheerfulness. I'm just gratefully that I don't have to work there or at the DMV.

9:05 PM  
Blogger Joe said...

I don't mind the clerks, but you hit everything else on the head. Hell, I flirt with the cuties behind the counter and get my 90 ounce soda filled up for free. Maybe they have sympathy for my sorry ass, but that's ok, I'll whore myself for a soda.

10:59 PM  
Blogger satyavati said...

I'm guessin it's real different here. The closest 'store' to us is about 3 miles from here (also at the closest stop sign). An average conversation with a customer would go something like this:

'Well hey, how yall doin today?'
'Well I'm blessed and how bout you?'
'Well and amen. You and Early gettin to plowin today?'
'We are and when you see CJ you tell him to get his sorry ass over if he's wantin any help this week. This coffee fresh?'
'Yup and yall got gobbler permits?'
'Oh yeah Junior took care a all that last week.'
'Well all right then, you go on and take you a ham biscuit for the road and I'll be seein you lunchtime.'
'All right then, we'll be back.'

What's wrong with being chipper anyway? Poor things at those big Sheetz type places are always suckin down enormous cups of their too-strong coffee because it's probably the only thing they can get free. Who can blame them if they're permanently strung out on caffiene? And the ones who aren't, are probably taking Ritalin for their ADHD. So it all evens out in the end. Jeez, you'd bitch if they were hostile, and you bitch cause they're chipper? There's no pleasing you!

6:51 AM  

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