season opener

Today is the season opener for the Kansas City Royals. The weather is going to be sunny and warm and a lot of folks take the day off so as to attend the game.

In conjunction with the season opener, our local newspaper the Kansas City Star does a fund drive. On every major street corner throughout town there are scores of people selling special edition newspapers with the proceeds going to local charities.

This is a fine yearly tradition here in Kansas City and it’s the most insane fucked up shit to see early in the morning.

What it boils down too is that on the major “nicer” street corners with the emphasis on nice, cause you won’t see these muthafuckers down in the hood doing this shit. You got what some physiologist might call a case of classic role reversal.

Instead of pulling up to a busy red light and having some stinkin ass muthafucker smelling like piss doing the bum’s rush toward your window begging for change and shit. You got some overly caffeinated soccer mom or some equally gay bastard wanna-be beating you to death to buy a fuckin newspaper.

Replace the cardboard sign and bum with Dockers and a Kansas City Star and you get the visual. And yeah, it might just be me. But when you live in Midtown like I do the last thing I want is anyone hassling me for money at seven in the fuckin morning.

So if I act like I don’t want to be bothered and role my window up in your face as you pester me for money. It’s not because I don’t like you, even though I don’t.

It’s because I live in Midtown and having screaming freaks bum rush my car asking for money is kind’a old and fuck you very much for making me miss my light.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"