small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: sweatin the small stuff

Saturday, June 23

sweatin the small stuff

Ok, let’s get this out in the open. I’m not a religious person by any means. I’ll respect your religion and how you do your shit as long as it doesn’t infringe on me but don’t go looking for me in anybodies church on any given Sunday.

An atheist I’m not because I’ve always believed but just don’t asking me to put a name to what I believe in. So with that all said let’s move on to today’s “sweatin the small stuff”.

The Vatican earlier this week issued a set of “Ten Commandments” for drivers, telling motorists to be charitable and shit to others on the highways, to refrain from drinking and driving, and to pray you make it before you even buckle up.

Now this is all fine and good and I’m always glad when churches and shit have the people’s best interest at heart. But as with all things religious, it’s all in how the individual reads it. So as always let me help a muthafucker out understanding what they’re saying and shit.

1. You shall not kill……..Ok, this is pretty straight forward. Don’t be killing muthafuckers and shit.

2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm……..Hmmmm, I think what they mean here is just drive the muthafucker. When you leave the fuckin house just get to where you got to go and don’t be fuckin around on the way. Kind of fits in with rule #1.

3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events……..this is easy, mind your own shit and stop with being such an asshole on the road.

4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents……..see some chick stuck on the side of the road? Stop and see if she needs help or at least call somebody.

5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin……..the car is not a substitute for your cock. And speaking of cock, it’s not kosher to blowjob and drive. Also its not fair to the rest of us that’s not getting any. Nothing says arrogant asshole like some cat in an Escalade getting a hand job whilst flying down the fuckin freeway.

6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so……….if you see some kids trying to drive drunk, then do the right thing and drag em out of the car and beat the baggy pants wearing asses off of em like they owe you money.

7. Support the families of accident victims…….even though you feel like it don’t laugh. Even if you don’t at least act like you give a shit.

8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness……….to hell with this one, you fuck up either me or my shit then fuck you in your non driving ass.

9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party…….don’t be trying to beat the kids while driving. Seems pretty simple to me.

10. Feel responsible toward others………
yeah, watch all them muthafuckers and stay out of their way. That way no one gets their fuckin feelings hurt.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Must have been a slow week in the Holy See's office. Guess it's time to stop gripping onto the club when I drive like it's a glock. I think Rome would approve your interpretation, Sir, it speaks to the masses, lol.

3:17 PM  
Blogger Nightmare said...

GODDAMNED Holy Rollers! Can't even stew in my own road rage any more without being dictated some religious dogma.

7:46 AM  

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