small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: a light splattering from the penis of knowledge

Monday, July 16

a light splattering from the penis of knowledge

“An old bull and a young bull are walking through the hilly fields when they spy a herd of she cows meandering about at the bottom of the hill.

The young bull exclaims; “shit! Look at all that ass, let’s run down and get one”.

The old bull looks at his young charge in disgust; “why don’t we just walk down and be all smooth and shit and do em all’?”

A very old joke, but one with a message.

Rushing around does nothing but make you look stupid and all you end up with is a fuckin headache.

A lot of men these days have lost the ancient art of “Mackin”, and most of em couldn’t pick up a real woman if one died and fell off her barstool. They refuse to learn that it’s all about the approach.

It used to be fun watching some cat get all Barry White on some chick, using a pickup line handed down from his father’s father.
“Hi baby, see this key ring? I just wanted you to see all these keys, cause pretty soon all the shit they unlock is gonna be yours”

The women couldn’t help but laugh. Then he’d step back, laugh and introduce himself and before you know it he’s walking out the door with her.

I used to know this cat that used to bomb bad with the women. He never could get the hang of meeting em.

One night I finally got tired of his bellyaching and told him to point out any women in the bar that he wanted to meet. He looked around then pointed to this gorgeous brunette sitting at the bar.

“Give me a dollar”. He handed over the dollar and I brought a lighter from the bar.

I waited till the chick pulled out a cigarette then I walked over and gave her a light. When she smiled her thanks I introduced myself and shook her hand and ended up having a nice conversation with her.

I showed my young friend that all it takes to meet women is a smile and a handshake, and that’s about as “old school” as you can get. Though as you all know, taking my advice on anything is a foolhardy approach.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Nightmare said...

I agree! they fucking yoots of today have their heads so far up their asses, with calling women derogatory names and shit, that they think these women "OWE" them something. Problem is we can't seem to get it through the girls heads to stop putting out for these fuckheads with no game, and to get their self esteem up so high that they don't allow the boys to be such peckerheads.

10:28 AM  
Blogger satyavati said...

A lot of guys seem to think that if you're female and they're around, you're automatically secretly dying to get with them and they don't have to do anything for it. Derogatory names and even more, the attitude behind the derogatory names really just tells me that this is a guy who doesn't much like women at all.

Me, I'm a simple girl, you could hit on me and I'd miss it (seriously...) but really in the end it's not about how you dress or whether your car is pimped to the nines or how much money you have. It's not even really about how you look. Make me laugh, make me curious, be able to hold an intelligent conversation, don't cuss all over the place and don't tell me about all your women, because I don't care.

It's that simple. But agreed, the girls today are half the problem, and I do mean an equal 50%. Like the other post the other day, it's about self respect, and having the spine to stand up and say that 'bitch' 'ho' whatever doesn't apply. Of course, it's hard to do stuff like that in the face of all your friends, but nothing good ever comes easy, and I think the girls would see that if you just don't let them, they wouldn't do it.

(And all of this coming from a lifelong June Cleaver/Donna Reed wannabe...)

11:09 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

Let's face it, if the girls would set the bar higher, men would have to step up their game. Girls today make it too easy. The minute the dude says hi, the women is tossing him her keys. Whatever.

A little intelligent conversation goes a long way. At least in my book.

7:32 PM  
Anonymous LL said...

My rules are I don't date (nor fuck) stupid men or uber-liberals. The only way to tell if a man is either is to talk to 'em. ;-)

And by uber-liberals, I mean the ones who immediately start in on how great PETA is, they don't eat meat, and they're talkin' shit about Da Boys. At that point, I walk away before I hit them.

8:44 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

There is only one sure fire, guaranteed pick-up line that works 100% of the time on "The Ladies".

As a Past Master and Grand Alumni of the Ancient and Illuminated Order of the Man Whore I'm reluctant to divulge this sacred secret.

But I feel like I owe it to all of the arrogant dumb fucks out there who are continuing to turn heterosexual women into lesbians through there blatant asshattery and ignorance.

So, here it is.

The best and most proven pick up line in the world.

Guaranteed to work 100% of the time.

(I can't believe I'm doing this)

Ok. Here goes. The line is...


After that you introduce yourself, say something funny (yet self-deprecating), and be charming and interesting without being cocky and assholish. Improvise. Be yourself. Be confident. And be honest. Don't be a lying little prick.

That's it! That's the whole fucking secret!

There is only one drawback to this approach.

Sometimes, you actually meet someone wonderful and fall in love.

With Great Power comes Great Opportunity.

You've been warned.

9:31 PM  
Blogger satyavati said...

This naturally leads me to ask what the best way to meet guys is.

So cmon, guys. Give it up. I should have asked this question 25 years ago, but better late.

5:44 AM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

Whipping out the puppies is always a good ice breaker.

6:41 AM  
Blogger Greg Beck said...

yeah popping out a tit, taking deep breaths or leaning em against me usually gets a conversation going. I'm just sayin. suger......

8:09 AM  

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