small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: Animal hijinks

Monday, August 20

Animal hijinks

Just want to relate a couple of stories in the mainstream news that caught my attention this morning.

The first one comes from Belgrade over in Serbia where they had their annual beer festival. Every year the Belgrade Beer Festival takes place at the foot of the city's Kalemegdan fortress.

From what I hear, you can drink assloads of beer for stupidly low prices and I guess it’s just one big ass drunken party.

Well, according to my many inside sources, some unlucky Serb got himself eaten the fuck up by a bear during the beer festival.

From what I understand and if you live in Belgrade please feel free to correct me. The Belgrade Zoo isn’t too far from where they were having the big beer fest?

And it seems that this cat got so fucked up at the beer fest that he ended up the city zoo and crawled his ass into same cage where a couple of grown assed bears were hanging out. Yeah and odd as it sounds, not only was the cat found half eaten and shit, but he was also buck assed nekked.

Now I don’t know about the bears over in Serbia, but I’m pretty damn sure that the bears around here aren’t in the habit of undressing a muthafucker before they eat his ass.

And I do believe that you might have hit your shit-face limit when you start thinking that you’re fuckin Thongor of the fuckin wild and go looking for bears to wrestle nekked and shit.

Also according to my many inside sources, the local police are looking for witness since besides one half-eaten Serb and his clothes, they found several cell-phones and beer cans and other shit in the cage.

Looks like when party boy crawled his drunk ass into the cage and got nekked, some of his friends tried to break up snack time.

And in a related note, from over in Australia it seems that a woman in her sixties was killed by her pet camel after the animal may have tried to have sex with her.

She got the camel as a gift and it hung out on her family’s ranch where they raised sheep and cattle amongst other shit.

The camel which shall go unnamed since it’s still a minor weighed almost four-hundred pounds even though it was only ten months old.

According to all that knew her, she considered the camel a pet and treated it as such.

Well this past Saturday the woman was hanging out with her pet camel when it laired it up, knocking her to the ground and for lack of a better term, “humped her to death”.

According to the local police, after knocking her to the ground the camel laid on top of the woman and proceeded to hump the poor woman like he had his wobbly boot on.

Or as one witness described it, the camel after jumping on back started having a naughty and began plowing that ass like he had John Deer stamped on his back. Hmmm, better then being eaten by a bear I suppose.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger PGP said...

I'm wise to you Greg!
I now read your posts before I fill my coffee cup!
Ha..... :)

9:41 AM  
Blogger Spyder said...

Note to self: control your drinking!

9:16 PM  
Blogger Sara said...

You'd rather be humped to death than eaten?!? For real?

1:16 PM  
Blogger Joe said...

I remember seeing something on tv about a couple that was eaten by a bear in Canada while camping. Their clothes were pulled off and it was said on the show that the bear ate the human like a salmon, by tearing off the outer skin, or clothes, and eating the insides.

11:48 PM  

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