small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: or never having to sleep on the wet spot

Tuesday, August 28

or never having to sleep on the wet spot

Some people’s kids are just too fucked up for words.

Back in July up in Philly this cat got his stupid retard ass busted after he broke into a local funeral home.

What happened was that the cat that runs the funeral home had stepped out to chat up some friends across the street when he noticed lights on in the funeral home where they shouldn’t be.

So back inside he went to scope shit out and that’s when he found this muthafucker trying to be all stealthy and shit hiding next to this coffin. The funeral director jumped his ass and held him down till the police arrived.

That’s when they noticed that the coffin he was hiding behind belonged to this dead chick the funeral director was prepping for service.

According to my many inside sources, this chick was lying on the table with one leg stuck up in the air and her pantyhose all ripped off and shit.

But luckily everybody thinks that the sick bastard got busted before he was able to rub one out on the dead chick or fuck her.

And get this. After checking, the police found out that not only did this cat have a record going back some years, but he was busted in 1999 for doing the same sick shit.

After relaying all this I couldn’t help but be reminded of this old joke my sister used to tell me.

“You know what necrophilia means? Never having to say you’re sorry”.

Drum roll please.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger satyavati said...

If you get busted for doing dead people, do they label you as a sex offender and put your name up on the websites and stuff? Or do they figure you're only a threat to the dead folks, and let it go?

That's a serious question.

12:42 PM  
Blogger Logtar said...

Someone IS going to have to sleep on that wet spot.

3:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought that necrophilia meant never having to say a damn thing.

9:51 AM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...


You know what I hate most about eating my vegetables?

Getting 'em in and out of their damn wheel chairs!

satyavati - I don't know. Would it be a registry that says you can't live within 500 feet of a cemetary? I'm betting they wouldn't let you open your house for trick 'r treaters on Halloween!

7:49 PM  

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