small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: sweatin the small stuff

Friday, August 24

sweatin the small stuff

Growing up back in the day, my father had a saying that he usually punctuated with his finger punching a hole in my forehead.

“Assumption is the king of all muthafuckers”

Meaning that you should never take anything for granted because the minute you do, it’s gonna fuck you in the ass. Yeah, fuck you in the ass without the courtesy of a reach-around.

So with that being said here’s a couple of stories about folks who methinks assumed too much and thus learned a valuable lesson.

Some Boris living in Moscow had divorced his wife but for three years due to the stupidly high rent, they were both forced to share a small apartment together.

I don’t know if it was because of the enforced co-habitation or because someone just had enough of somebody’s shit, but things came to a boil.

As the ex-husband sat on the couch buck assed nekked, fluffing the short hairs whilst drinking vodka and watching TV one night, the ex-wife walked up and asked for a swig off the bottle.

But instead of taking a drink she poured the potent vodka on his exposed Cossack and the twins and set that muthafucker on fire and Boris’s shit went up like a fuckin blowtorch.

Kind of takes the lyrics, “come on baby, light my fire” to a new level huh?

Later in the hospital the burnt the fuck up stupid ex-husband told local news that it was monstrously painful. “I was burning like a torch”.

Yeah and when asked if he would make a full recovery, a police spokeswoman said with a straight face, that it was difficult to predict.

And in Arizona about a month ago this cat filed for divorce from his wife. And Tuesday he had her meet him at the house they both owned because it was being appraised for sale.

After the appraiser left the husband pulled out the divorce papers for his wife to sign.

She started crying and shit so the husband gave her a hug to comfort her and one thing led to another and before you know it, they were having a pity fuck on the kitchen floor.

According to my many inside sources, she was riding this muthafucker like an eight-second bull, when she reached over to her bag and after pulling a knife, stabbed ole hornboy in his chest.

In just a matter of seconds, he goes from sticking his ex with the big six-incher to getting six inches stuck in his chest.

The chick then pulled the knife from his chest and told him that she was sorry.

He ends up running his stupid nekked stabbed ass over to the neighbors where the police got called. The ex-wife was found later just a few miles from where the stabbing happened and is now facing assault charges.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger B. said...

Where'd I read the Six Inch story...Crime Scene? Man, you put that well...crazy fucks...I hadn't heard the Vodka story, though...dumbshit...hard times ain't shit til your cock gets burnt up!

11:14 AM  
Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

You can't just make that shit up. I read that in the news and said to myself, "Always have the lawyer around when the ex is around...and a few police people and firemen just in case."

1:18 PM  

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