small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: sweatin the small stuff

Friday, August 31

sweatin the small stuff

If you’re like me I know you’re sick and tired as a muthafucker of hearing about all the pissing contests between various religions, countries and cultures.

I’m offended by this, I’m offended by that, your hangnail offends my people. It’s no secret that there’s a lot of touchy muthafuckers out there.

And it doesn’t seem to matter what the fuck it is, whither it be the shape of your eyes or the hue of your skin to what hand you wipe your ass with. Someone somewhere is gonna get offended by it.

Well, here’s a cultural offence that I think we can all get behind. Check this out.

Now it’s no big secret that shit ain’t all warm sweaty hugs and wet kisses between China and Japan which is mostly due to Japan’s invasion and occupation of China in the first half of the 20th Century. And now lately due to China’s pesky little habit of firing missiles into the Sea of Japan.

But now China’s well known Shaolin Temple, the very same Shaolin Temple that became famous as the training ground for Kwai Chang ”Grasshopper” Caine in the 1970s “Kung Fu” TV series has been offended.

What happened was that on the internet someone said that back in the day a bunch of Shaolin Monks got their collective asses kicked by a visiting Japanese Ninja.

And now China’s fuckin Shaolin Temple, which is the fuckin cradle of Chinese kung fu, is calling bullshit and demanding an apology from whomever the fuck said that.

And I quote; “the so-called defeat is purely fabricated, and we demand the Internet user to apologize to the whole nation for the wrongs he or she did”.

According to my many inside sources, the Internet user, who calls themselves “Five Minutes Every Day,” said on an online forum last week that a Japanese ninja came to the Shaolin Temple looking for a fight and ended up kicking the no hair having crap out of a bunch of Shaolin Monks.

And this simple statement has pissed off not only the Shaolin Temple but most of stinkin China it’s self.

Especially since the internet goes on to say that due to the fact that the monks could not defeat a Japanese ninja showed that they were named as kung fu masters in vain. Or better yet a bunch of gay pussies.

This is like the famous argument who could kick whose ass, Jet Li or Jackie Chan. Personally I think that Jet Li would go all prison rape on ole Jackie, but that’s just one man’s opinion.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger OMMAG said...

My old cat was offended by the existence of dogs!
So much so ...... She'd lay on the garage roof above the garbage cans in the back lane. Never failed some neighborhood mutt would come along sniffing out last nights chicken bones or whatever....the cat would do a full ninja pounce from the roof to the dogs back and ride that puppy for as long as she could!

How offended were those dogs eh?

11:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What I want to know is, why aren't the monks calling the ninjas out? I would pay 49.95 to see that on PPV.
My money is on the monks. Ninjas are just basically sneaky bastards.

11:36 PM  
Blogger Satyavati devi dasi said...

In another couple years this will be a movie.... "Shaolin/Samurai; Beasts In The East"

Or someone could just call Vince McMahon and he'd probably set it up for Monday Night Raw.

12:14 PM  
Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

Both Li and Chan are Wu-Shu practitioners who would not fight each other due to their brother hood.

Both are famous martial artist. Both hail from the Shaolin tradition.

I have never heard of a Ninja being world famous. Ok there is “Ask a Ninja” but he is not a real Ninja.

Ninja is a myth. Li and Chan are not.

Sincerly your friend the Mixed Martial arts student.

7:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ludwick Said...

A colorado jack rabbit would kick all thier asses you want to see some wild shit come out here and take a look thies things they are huge and mean looking. Not cute like the white one's but tough rough neck rabbits that would eat you and your camera.."Yea that's right just stay in your car and let me go my merry way"... I have a few bear stories for you too....Just think about it. Your sitting thier drinking up a cold one at night and you get this feeling your being watched and you remember your in the moutains and you flip on your flash lite and you see bigs eye's hopping around..........Evermore

8:57 PM  

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