Best quote overheard this weekend. "If you were to cut me open and put my cells under a microscope, every molecule in my body would be saying fuck you". Ice T.
Hi, I just thought I'd sit back and tell everyone about my weekend. I know, I know. Your all just breathless. As is my habit after work, on Friday I went to the Hurricane for coffee and conversation. My old friend Ed Todler walked in and took the seat next to me. Ed's the bass player with the Bob Ton Soul Accordion Band, and he's one of the most interesting people to talk too. Not only is he an accomplished musician but also a published writer, teacher, origami master, proud AA member and a member of Mensa. Give yourself a treat, if you ever see Ed around, walk up and say hi. So, we're sitting there and through the windows of the bar we could see this blind guy tapping his way up the street. It looked like he was having a bit of a problem cause he was on the large median strip that cuts into Broadway and Westport Road. We were all trying to figure where he was going or where he thought he was going, this blind guy with his cane is tapping trees, bushes and the like. We assumed he was lost which for a blind guy is really not kosher. And then it happened, he dropped what looked to be a bus pass. My moment of Zen then happened, everyone in the bar was staring at me. Between just us I think it's kinda fucked up when people look to the fat old guy to save the day, but as always I came thru. If I remember right I looked around and said "What!" All right I'll go! And I better get laid for this. Cause you know the rule, do a good deed and GOD hooks you up, or you hope. So I walk over and ask the guy if he's all right and did he know where he was. He said everything's cool, he's just waiting on the bus. I look around for whatever it was he dropped and sure enough it was a bus pass. Good deed done, life is better, and I might get lucky. Yeah baby! Daddy's here!
Well after a sleepless night ALONE, Saturday rolled up on me. I have a serious problem sleeping at times and the sleep depravation sometimes makes me do strange things. I spent the morning scrubbing my kitchen floor naked. I swear to GOD, if you had seen me you would have thought I was on crack or meth or some shit like that! Want to know a cool thing? If you don't have a mop, just put a large towel on the floor, get barefoot and step on the towel. Then you start doing like a choo choo train, shuffling your feet all over the floor. Get that picture out of your heads! As a treat to myself I thought I'd go to Gates Barbecue for a late lunch. I get there the place is stupid with people, spilling out the door and all that. I'd forgotten about all the tourist in town this weekend, what a mess. So I get inside and the girls finely see me. If you've never been to Gates and you're not black, it can seem kinda alarming cause from the time you hit the door you got black folks screaming at you. Hell, if you black it's alarming. HI, CAN I HELP YOU!!! So as they screamed at me I prepared to scream my order right back at em. I opened my mouth to scream my order out and not a damn thing happened. My voice somehow had left me.
Excuse my language please, "how mutherfukin embarrassing". Somewhere between the sleepless night, scrubbing my kitchen floor naked, and 3PM, I had lost the ability to speak. Damn bad timing. The girls at Gates kept screaming at me and I kept trying to speak. I ended up walking out in shame and horror. If I close my eyes I can still hear their shrill harpy like voices, HI, CAN I HELP YOU! HI, CAN I HELP YOU! Over and over and over, like a bad evil echo in my brain. It'll be years before I can eat there again.