I made the ugly mistake of going to the mall the other day. I was kinda interested in looking at a new bed. I don’t know shit about beds or mattresses; so I stopped at this bed store for some help. I walked in and immediately became overwhelmed by the different types of beds to choose from. I also wasn’t aware that the mattresses and frames came separately, and this only added to my general confusion. This elderly women come over to assist me in my bedroom endeavors. She looked like she just walked out of an episode of Father Knows Best. She was sporting the beehive hairdo and had a June Cleaver outfit to match, at least she wasn’t wearin white gloves. She inquired as to what I might be needing, and I explained that I might be in the market for a nice new bed. She then clasped her hands behind her back and pursed her lips and proceeded to walk in a circle around me. “Would this bed be for you then”? It was then that I realized that I’d seen this women before. There are certain things that a man will do to keep his confidence level up. I was in my local grocery story a couple of years ago doing one of those things. I was buyin groceries and decided to buy a bunch of rubbers. Hey, you never know when a cat might need two or three, right? So I’m in the checkout line when I feel a tap on the shoulder and I turn around there’s this old lady staring up at me. In her small wrinkled hand she’s holding up a box of Black Magnum (ribbed for her pleasure) XL Rubbers (gots to keep perpetrating the myth right?) that apparently fell out of my cart. “Would these be for you then”? I felt so busted. It was like having my grandma catchin me punchin the monkey, it was like walkin in front of a bunch of church women and having my bag of porn break open. I grabbed my rubbers, thanked her and got the hell out of Dodge. And now here she was tryin to sell me a bed, again she asked; “would this be for you”? I decided to screw with her so I told her yeah and that I was lookin for somethin that could stand up to a lot of pressure. “What do you mean by pressure, young man”? I looked down at her as she stared up at me and I noticed that she had a very clear and direct stare. I decided to go for broke. “ I’m in the market for something that’ll hold up to some serious rompin”. She then looked me up and down and said, “smackin that ass kind of romping? Is that what you be meaning”? Then she started making the universal motion for smacking that ass! I almost swallowed my fuckin tongue I choked so bad. She had matched me, bullshit for bullshit. Never underestimate the old. Peace