I’m in the midst of watching MTV Icon, featuring Metallica; first off the bat Sum 41 fucked me up by firing off a few Metallica covers. They kicked metal ass, rawk on! And it seemed fitting that they were picked to do the duty, and don’t make me explain that, I can’t. Then Lisa Maria Presley came out as host, she looked like shit, chick came out looking like fucking Kelly Osbourne, not a pretty sight. Now they’re telling the story of why they think what’s his name the old bass player left. Oh, so sad, cause he replaced the bass player that was killed in the bus wreak maybe? And they never gave him a chance to belong, and maybe gave him too much tough love?
Fuck, now that depressing muthafucker Erin Lewis from Stained, Staind? Is doing an acoustic cover? So which one in Metallica is gay? Is it the curly haired guitar player, or Lars? Both of em seems kind’a fey if you were to ask me. Ooooh, now they’re blaming a lot of the band’s problems on whiskey, no shit.
Oh-my-God, Avril (please take me serious) Lavigne is covering “Fuel”. Now that’s just wrong on so many planes of existence, where the fuck is Joan Jett when we need her? Ha, Lars just said hearing her cover Fuel was such a mind fuck, I bet mind fuck wasn’t the only thing he had on his mind, or is he the gay one? Now this is fucking priceless, do you hear me, fucking priceless, Snoop Dogg just did “Sad but true”, and it sucked. It was so bad, who picked these muthafucker’s?
Now they’re talking about the one most disturbing video I’ve ever seen, except I can’t remember the name of it, but it was the band’s first one, the one where the cat lost his face in that one war. Oh, never mind, Korn is doing it, its call “One”….. Lets see if they can pull this off shall we? Not a bad cover, plus Jonathon (is that his name?) has a mike stand shaped like a nekked chick, except that she’s all chrome and shit with no arms and a fucked up alien head. Pretty. Ha, Lars just called Korn his peer, I don’t think so.
Earlier James was bitching about how a fan spit on em when the video for “One” first came out, and accused him and the band of selling out. Yeah bitch, we’re selling out all the way to the fucking bank! And years from now don’t even think about downloading our shit!
Michelle Branch looks too clean to have sex with, at least she’s not singing. Now a bunch of military guy’s are talking about how much fun it was to shoot Iraqis whilst listening to good old American rock and roll. Yeah baby! Get some, get some! Wait, another sad piece, the Black album (Metallica) was so difficult to record, almost broke us up, sniff. Whiny little bitches. I so fuckin hate Jim Brewer, who made him funny? The Pope? Fuck, he’s doing Metallica parodies, must-reach-remote! Must-turn-off-sound! What? Cool, he’s done, fucker.
Limp Bizkit is covering Sanatorium? And doing a damn fine job of it, and rap free if you can believe that? Kudos to them for not fucking that one up. Now Metallica hits the stage, wait, more filler shit. I did finally remember that the old bass player’s name is Jason if that helps anybody. And they found their new bass player via Ozzy, hmmm, who knew?
Ok, now they're playing, I love the shit they did with that symphony orchestra, not only did I rock like a muthafucker, but I felt smarter too. James and the curly haired (gay?) guitar player are doing their thing in the middle of the crowd and I can’t take my eye’s off this black guy wearing a dark suit and shades standing right in front of James. Either they hired the black Muslims to guard the stage or someone accepted free tickets to the wrong gig. Good show all in all, I dig it.
It kind’a reminded me of Monday when I was treated to the film “Hell” featuring GG Allen and the Murder Junkies. Except that Metallica rocks and James Hatfield doesn’t play nekked shitting on the stage then flinging his shit at the crowd like a fuckin monkey and having some chick piss in his mouth then vomiting it all back up and re-swallowing it all. But then again, not really. I’ll review “Hell” as soon as the image of a grown man shitting on stage gets out of my head. Peace