I was gonna talk about something serious like religion but it’s only Tuesday so to hell with that, plus religion’s a chancy subject at best. I mean with your Buddhism, Native American Worship, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Judaism, and Chinese Philosophies. Paganism, Sun worship, Ufology, and all the other shit out there that people put a name too, it can become very complicated. Me? I got the voices in my head. I’m not sure what religion they adhere too, they never say. They just insist I wear a clean shirt. Every so often you’ll hear me talk about the bigass house on the Westside. At its zenith I lived there with a couple of gorgeous females, one dog, four cats and a rabbit. Don’t ask me why but more often then not we all slept in the same bed. I’d come home from work and climb into the sack, then the girls would struggle in and make it as far as my room and fall into bed. After a while I’d wake up covered from head to toe with females, cats, and the fuckin dog. It’s very, very comforting being covered in fur like that. The bumpin sound I’d hear would be the rabbit hittin his head tryin to hop into bed. You know rabbits have notoriously weak hearts? I got a call one day from Chris; she was one of the roommates. Chris’s bawling and shit about somebody dying, after she calmed down she was able to tell me the rabbit died. From what I can tell the rabbit was sittin in his cage minding his own when the dumbass dog ran up and started barking at it, the damn rabbit just fell over dead. Never moved, just shut his eyes and died. I had to leave work over this. I got Chris all calmed down and shit, but what do I do with a dead bunny rabbit? I know, it was the fuckin middle of the week and the trash pickup was a few days off, so I put the dead rabbit into a trash bag and threw him into the freezer for safe keeping until I could put him outside for pickup. That night I had to leave town for a few days on FEMA shit. When I got back later in the week I walked in the house and everybody was gone. So I made it to my bedroom and saw that my room had been cleaned and the bed was all made up real nice, damn, what a cool deal, one of my roommate’s must’a felt sorry for me. I hit the lights, took off all my clothes, ripped the sheets back and jumped into bed for a much-needed sleep. What the fuck! As I lay down my head hit what felt like a large rock on my pillow. I snapped the lights back on and pulled the sheets off and there on my pillow is the muthafuckin rabbit, frozen hard as a rock. Stuck to it’s fur is a note, (hi Greg, I’m cold. Can I sleep with you)? I didn’t know whether to laugh, get pissed or what, so I called the roommate most likely to do shit like this, which had to be Chris. One roommate had a great sense of humor, while the other one didn’t. When Chris answered the phone at the bar, all I heard in the background was people fallin all over themselves laughin. I’d been had. After that the dog was the next to go, if there was a retard champ of dogs then this one had to be it. I’ve never seen an animal with so many loose ends. One day I’m working on the house and I hear this loud gagging coming from the back of the house. I go take a look and it’s the dog choking to death. The dumb bastard has this huge dog dish with a five-gallon water bucket next to it. I guess he took a bite of food and figured he’d wash it down with a gulp of water, but the hairy bastard dropped some of his food into the water bucket. The choking noise I kept hearing was him shoving his head into the water to retrieve his food and runnin out of air cause he kept tryin to swallow the food while under water. He must’a had been a seal in some other life. Well, he was too stupid to keep and I had to get rid of him. I think he’s at some farm out south. Yeah, really. Peace
4/18/00