The Man put on this big Christmas hoodoo the other day. It was a big dinner bash and party. I opted not to go and spent the day at home instead. I don’t do company social events, and for a few exceptions I don’t drink with anyone I work with either. Too much can go wrong, plus I’ve been burned like a muthafucker at past events. Shit like that ain’t nothing more then career killers as far as I’m concerned. Back some years ago between FEMA gigs I got myself hired at the local cable company working in the warehouse. Now this was actually my first time in a no-bullshit corporate type of framework and I found it very stifling. Cause even though I’d been with the Man for some years, working in the field I’d never had to deal with a stuck-up ass office type of environment, but the cable company was a whole different type of beast altogether. Everybody always ate lunch in this huge dining room and for some reason the president of the company always had a table all alone. So I started sitting at his table and we’d shoot shit and talk about the local current events. He turned out to be a very cool guy to talk too but everybody was always fuckin with me as to what we talked about. Apparently I was breakin some kind of fucked up taboo by talkin to the cat and shit. I found it to be a very closed minded paranoid racist place to work. One day the company had this huge company picnic and I decided to be a team player and participate. I was put on this tug-a-war team along with my supervisor who was this Miss. Piggy look alike. We were tugging over this huge pit filled with mud and other offensive crap. I was the last man on the rope and had it tied around my waist for what I thought was better leverage. My supervisor, being the serious ground pounder that she was had her big ass in front of me. So our team’s turn came up and we started tugging like rabid muthafucker’s. But we kept loosing ground and when it looked like a no win deal I straightened up and closed my eyes and threw my arms back and swan dived into the pit. But instead of belly flopping into the soft embrace of the mud I found myself on top of my supervisor who was embedded in the mud underneath me. To make matters worse, when I unassed and tried to climb out I had to use her fat ass as a stepping stone, which did nothing to help her out. So there I am covered from head to toe in black mud watching as a crew of people fawned and doted over this bitches fat ass when the President of the company walked up to me. He was still breathless from laughing as he told me that he thought I was one hell of a guy and what I did would be remembered for years. But if the truth be known I had just cut my own legs off at the knees cause certain people were gonna make my work life hell for what I just did, and because he couldn’t show favoritism there wasn’t a fuckin thing he could do on my behalf. He was righter then shit but that’s another story. Peace