It's a small world after all

Quote of the week. “How come you never hear the guy’s with big dicks saying it’s not the size of the ship, but the motion of the ocean”? One of my ex stripper roommates waxing philosophical one night.

Am I the only one bothered by those male sexual enhancement commercials for “Enzyte” featuring the guy with the shiny face and the perpetually pained grin? Has he taken so much of the product that he’s suffering from priapism? (Hah! Look it up) It’s a given that the commercial’s are clever as hell and so tongue in cheek as to be over the top. But Bob, the guy in the commercials, bothers me on so many levels, and his monkey-butt ugly wife just creeps me the fuck out. I’d guess you’d need a “male sexual enhancement” product just to get in the mood to fuck that ugly little meat puppet skank. But at least they’re cleaver commercials, unlike those for another male enhancement product. You know the one where the cat is walking either thru the office or the party and everybody is wondering what’s so different about him? “Gee Jim, did you get a haircut”? “Have you lost weight”? “No, I gots this giant boner that I can’t get rid of, and it’s pulling all the blood from my brain, I’m just a little dizzy, please help me.
But to tell the truth there’s something empowering about a hard-on. It’s like when you wake up with the morning hard-on, you hop out of bed and put on your cape and prance thru the house proclaiming yourself King of the Hoard. You rip thru the house like a muthafucker poking shit, you poke the cat, you poke the dog, you wanna head upstairs to show the neighbor’s but that’ll just get the cops called on you again. And all too soon it’s all over cause you know that once you go pee, it’s bye bye morning hard-on.
Or better yet, when you’re talking to that attractive female co-worker. And as she’s deep into the wherewithal’s of her latest PowerPoint presentation? You feign interest cause you’ve just devolved a hard-on so goddamned robust it’s diverting blood from the rest of your body, and you’re so glad there’s a table between you and her. And do any of you guy’s out there remember your very first hard-on as a small kid? Huh? Huh? And tell the truth, how many of you ran into the kitchen where your mother was fixing breakfast screaming, “mommy mommy! Something’s wrong with mr. pee pee! It hurts, can you make it better”?
Hey, it could’a happened, I’m just sayin is all.