top ten

Some music magazine that I never read is coming out with a list of what they consider the fifty worst songs ever. I think this is their top ten off the list and I’m unsure of the order, but lets see how they stand shall we?

1. Jefferson Starship: “We built this city”. The magazine picked this out as worst song ever. I might have to agree on this one, cause when this come out in the mid eighties muthafuckers across the globe gave out a collective “tha fuck”? Back in her white rabbit days I would’a banged Grace Slick’s drugged up ass thru the headboard, but when I saw the video for “we built this city” it totally turned me off wanting to fuck her.

2. Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder: "Ebony and Ivory”. I sure there’s some mornings when Stevie Wonder wakes up and goes “goddamn I’m glad I’m blind”. If only for the reason that he never had to see the really gay video for that fuckin song. Ebony and Ivory has to be the pinnacle of pussiefication, and what is it with Paul McCartney and the white man guilt? Didn’t he do close to the same thing with Michael Jackson?

3. Eddie Murphy: "Party All the Time ". I kept waiting for the punchline until I realized I was listening to it.

4. Bobby McFerrin: "Don't Worry Be Happy". This doesn’t belong here, cause I don’t care what anybody says, this was some cool shit when it first came out. It’s just that it got played to death and then the fuckin politicians became fuckin enamored with it, then it became a joke. Too bad cause Bobby McFerrin is a talented muthafucker.

5. Billy Ray Cyrus: "Achy Breaky Heart”. “Sir, I've heard John Cash, on the radio and you sir are no John cash”.

6. Wang Chung: "Everybody Have Fun Tonight”. C’mon, the bands name sounds like a sex act, so of course they suck.

7. Madonna: “American Life". Was I drunk when this came out? Somebody hum a few bars. Madonna’s star started sinking after her boy toy period anyway.

8. Vanilla Ice: “Ice Ice Baby”. The best thing about this song is Rob Vanwinkle on Arsenio Hall’s old show trying to prove how the bass line from “Ice ice baby” wasn’t ripped off from David Bowie’s “under pressure”, by humming both bass lines and fucking up and making both sound the same, cause they were the same.

9. Limp Bizkit: "Rollin”. I donno, I liked some of their shit cause it was fun to crank up. Plus to me Wes Borland made the band. He's a good freak.

10. Huey Lewis and the News: “The Heart of Rock & Roll". This is total bullshit, Huey Lewis and the News has to be one of the greatest bands in the fuckin world. Are you fucking with me? I loved these muthafuckers. I loved their songs, their videos. Pure fuckin genius I tell you. Do you know that the News is the only band on “Behind the music” that had a happy ending? Whoever put them on this list can suck my scrote. Goddamn cocksuckers!


gbeck@kc.rr.com says, "and the monkey flipped the switch"