sweating the small stuff

“Ashley Olsen, 17, is flying solo again, having broken up with her boyfriend of three years, 20-year-old Columbia University quarterback Matt Kaplan. A rep for Olsen tells People.com that they parted on good terms”.

Hmmm, do we really give a fuck? I know I don’t, how about you muthafuckers? Hold on, let me get my fuckin calculator out and do the math. ……………………..ooooh! That means Ashley was fourteen when she started dating this guy and he was…………seventeen? Oh yeah, he was ram-jammin her. Tore the bottom out of that ass up I bet. And you know what else? I bet he fucked the other one too. Oh don’t give me that look. You know the twins switched up and shit, then sat around in their jammies comparing fuck notes and all that. I bet those pussy’s are grooved like a gun barrel.

And remember the other day when I talked about some dumb bastard loosing his gazillion dollar violin after getting drunk in a New York bar? Well over in L.A. another dumb shmoe left his fuckin Stradivarius cello on his from porch overnight and it came up missing.
The theft early last week of a $3.5-million Stradivarius cello owned by the Los Angeles Philharmonic sent a sour note across the classical music world amid fears that a sophisticated ring of bandits had made off with the 17th century treasure.

Sophisticated ring of bandits my fat ass. What happened was that the muthafucker came home with a bunch of friends to party and his drunk ass sat the cello down on the porch so as to open the door and shit and his lit ass forget to bring it in the house. And the muthafuckin thing sat out on the porch all night and it wasn’t till the next morning that the musician cat realized it was gone.

At one violin shop in New York City, owner Carlos Arcieri said many customers came into his shop wanting to talk about the theft. "They're in disbelief," he said. "They can't get over it.

Yeah, can’t get over how much of a dumbass this fey cocksucker had to be to leave his shit out all night like that. Stupid ass-plumber.
The Los Angeles Police Department later released videotape showing a young man on a bicycle, probably a teenager from the neighborhood, making off with the cello. There goes your big sophisticated crime ring pedaling his ten speed.

And in the “I’m so fuckin proud that this muthafucker’s from my town” kind of shit.

A “former” (don’t you love how they always push “former” to death) cast member of MTV’s Real World Miami was busted here in town the other day after getting caught showing his cock to some undercover cop.

Ok, first off, the little fey fucker couldn’t show his cock in L.A. where he lives now? He had to bring his ass clear over here to pull his dick out? And what’s up with doing it at the Strand Theater? I used to cough, cough, frequent the Strand back in the eighties, and it was a pisshole then and still is now. Back then the place dealt out the seriously fucked up porn and shit up on the big screen. And God know what the muthafucker’s are doing there now. I mean goddamn, like the last thing I need is to walk into the fuckin Strand and see this cat and go, “hey, aren’t you that Dan muthafucker from the Real World”? And instead of sayin “why, yes, yes I am”. He yanks out big jim and the scrots. Shit like that would just make a cat's whole day go south. I’m just sayin is all.


gbeck@kc.rr.com says, "and the monkey flipped the switch"