small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: <strong>Now back to our regular programming </strong>

Friday, September 10

Now back to our regular programming

We’re on point again for fuckin Hurricane Ivan, so we got muthafucker’s scattered all over waiting for shit to happen. Poor Granada just got its ass whipped, didn’t it? Ninety percent of the buildings there were kicked to shit. And speaking of shit, next time you’re on the crapper taking one, look at that nice fluffy roll of toilet paper. Think of how fucked up you’d be with no running water to flush your crap down the sewer, or to wash your stinkin hands with. Think of not being able to climb into your own soft bed at night or just the act of staying dry. No saying fuck off to the happy smiling faces down at the local convenience store you go to when you’re out of toilet paper to wipe your dirty ass. Everything you’re used too and all the daily shit that you count on being there within your reach is fuckin gone in the blink of an eye. Within the span of lunch you’ve turned into a third world country and shitting in the mud wiping your ass with your fingers. Every-fuckin-thing you own is just flat fuckin gone, blown away by a hurricane. And then on top of all that fucked up bullshit, muthafuckin looters are trying to steal the little shit you have left.
Wait up a minute.
I’m not one for waxing poetic and shit, but muthafuck a looter. My city or state got hit by a hurricane, and on top of being homeless and wet and hungry and shitting behind what’s left of my car? Some crackhead, cock-smoking, ashy lipped muthafucker is tipping in trying to steal what’s left of my shit? Fuck catching em and putting his or her thieving ass in jail. They need to taken out back and shot thru the fuckin back of their goddamn heads. Be a goddamn man about the shit. Break in my fuckin house the way god meant you too; don’t break into my shit when my shits already busted up? And then when they get caught they got the last nerve to bitch about the condition of the jail.
Waaaaaaaa!!! You put us in a jail with no water or working bathrooms. Waaaaaa!!! Not fair!
Ok, you don’t wanna be in the jail? Bullet in the head for you.
What? Now you wanna stay, you won’t go back out and steal from the hurricane victims again? Too late you thieving fuck. Bam! Bullet to the head!
Run Forrest, run!
Bam! Another bullet to the head.
What? You want some of this too? Suck my dick, suck my dick and I’ll let you go. Hah! I lied! Bam! Bullet to the head.
I’m just sayin is all.
"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man, I know about hurricanes. We've been blessed that we've never lost our home, but I know people who have, and I've spent two days sitting at work trying to be a cool collected nurse taking care of other people while I worried about whether I had a home to go to. I feel for the folks in Grenada and the people in Jamaica. I feel for the folks in Florida too, but not the rich ones who buy homes right on the water because they can afford to. I feel bad for the people whose 1975 singlewide Fleetwood got shattered to bits and fell on the 1982 Toyota and totalled it, and since Daddy ain't got no job to go to no more all they got left is the hot coffee and donuts out the Salvation Army truck. Those are the people I feel for. I always feel more for the folks in Belize and Guatemala who don't have anything on a good day, and then a hurricane like Mitch comes along and takes the tin can house they built out of scraps. They don't have FEMA. All they can hope for is that the international aid gets past the corrupt local government. I'm not going to be too sorry to move away from the beach. Floyd wiped out half the state of NC in 98, and we were lucky to get away that time because the water rose and just kept rising. All we could do was stand around and wonder if it was gonna stop before it got to house level, and put everything on the top shelves. It gives you a whole new perspective, really.

2:36 PM  

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